Lexi, Luke and Jordan are watching cartoons.
Lorelei is... well because i am a super star mom I have no -idea, there are three other adults here.
Sitting on a bed alone is a rarity these days. I have not been able to blog simply because i don't have time. There are days where my mind is so full of things i want to share but i just cant break away long enough to type it. My computer did have a virus that thankfully my husband was able to fix but that was an issue too. All of that to say i am here right now, typing again.
I love Christmas. I have really enjoyed my almost three year old singing happy birthday to Jesus more than i can say. Working in retail usually steals the Christmas spirit from me, but not this year. IN the last month i watched a friend bury her 14 day old son.Tiny white boxes are horrible. It was a beautiful service, but my heart has broken over and over for her. I cried most of the day. I was overly grateful that i have two jobs and that although I would not get to see them that evening because they would be sleeping, I had FOUR children at home. Watching this amazing women blog through their journey, was inspiring, encouraging, and maybe a reason i haven't been able to blog lately. How could I?
I do not often enough stop and proclaim how absolutely blessed i am to have four perfectly healthy children. Yes we have some weird allergies, and have contracted some of the rarest virus' around for kids. These kids are perfect exactly how God designed them. Sometimes i sit amidst the craziness and marvel at how different they are. Specifically how each of their personalities challenges me to grow. I spend quite a bit of time in prayer. Praying for peace, specifically, I'm not sleeping so i might as well be praying. I used to dread stumbling up the stairs to find out who was crying and why. Not anymore. Trying to imagine my life with any of them not in it- was horrible.
Most of you know we had a pretty scary encounter with Luke this year. Playing that over and over in my head in recent weeks has made me so very confident in Gods plan for each of my children. Luke has climbed on top of my car, almost drowned. tried to climb over he 2nd floor banister, jumped off the bunk bed and the list goes on. My sweet red head has a taste for adventure, my God however knows that one day he will complete some top secret mission fearless of what the consequences-- maybe even saving someone. I am not already signing him up for the seals or the rangers, but he would be good at it.
My car had to be in the shop for about two weeks for what started out as routine maintenance, and ended up fixing many issues. Two weeks was a really long time to be with out a car and we ended up renting one, but there were a few days that Lexi rode the bus. I WAS TERRIFIED! She was of course super excited. Everything was fine. Each i day i still waited at the bus stop full of fear and wondered if she would get off or if she was wandering around in someone else's neighborhood. Lexi is very smart- and that isn't just me, her mom, saying that. I had no reason to worry but God carefully guided her on and off the bus and placed great teachers in her classroom to be caregivers while she is at school.
HE always has a plan. A plan bigger than mine and His calendar is bigger than just my five year planner. I love that about Him. It is probably one of my favorite parts about being a child of God. This plan of His gives me comfort in times of unrest, certainty in times of turmoil, and peace in times I don't understand. You will never hear me say that i think He takes people from us on purpose. Why? Simply because that is cold, and too much to bear. Believing in Him provides me with a much more tasteful response-- they went to meet Sweet Jesus.
"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mothers womb." Psalm 139:13
If you created something by hand-blood sweat and tears- wouldn't you want to watch it be used? yes, but you also might just want to cradle it in your arms too. I believe with my whole heart that He brings people back to His kingdom because He just cant stand to see them hurt any longer. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt the humans left behind-more than the word hurt can even define. Hurt can however also do wonderful things for the kingdom.
Another friend lost her mother this last week, and i shared a little with Lexi. She at first was shocked that God would "take" someones mommy away. Later was kind of excited that if i died i got to meet Jesus. Then the most wonderful thing hit her-- "so death isn't scary it really exciting because i get to see JESUS!" Praise God!
The Friend that lost her son is our pediatrician in Savannah-- someone that is very real to my kids. Someone they knew was expecting. Sharing with them the amazing scriptures about how God very carefully stitched them together and that He is so very proud of His work was awe inspiring. Watching their faces as they processed the thought that HE MADE THEM was awesome. Seeing their faces when they found out he passed away was just as awesome. As i carefully sewed baby bibs into a blanket we talked about how i would always love this blanket because it had pieces of them in it and they were pieces of me. I talked about how i would always want them to take special care of the blanket and that i hoped it would keep them warm when it finished. Sharing that this sweet boy was someone that God loved just as much as I loved them was really cool for them. Then Lexi said "So He didn't want the baby to be sick anymore because that hurt His heart" AMEN
Death is hard. We have had three deaths in our family just this year. As a whole there has been too much death in our family. Young people and old either one is gut wrenching. never getting easier it is still a vital part of life. Young people sometimes fall to their knees during a loss in total despair that otherwise would never have come to Him. Others-- well me very definitely in this season- stop and rethink.
16 hours in the car could have--should have-- driven me bonkers and not that i was thankful for each moment but spending this Christmas with my family is precious. Staring at a beautifully lit tree with ornaments from all over the world and one green construction paper hand with a poem is perfect. Knowing that my children understand the meaning of Christmas in a much deeper way this year is beyond measure.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer." JOB 19:25
Thank you Father for the gift of these handcrafted pieces of wonder. Thank you for parents(both sets) that support us on this journey we call life. Thank you Father for your blessings. Amen
