Simple, Really

7:00 Wednesday morning i drag out of bed, get dressed and mope to the kitchen for breakfast. Decide there is no worth in opening my eyes at this hour much less eating. I scoop logan out of his bed, grab his clothes and the diaper bag and get into the car. Just he and I. When i was pregnant with him i wanted to be sure that i made time for times like these just the two of us-- didn't want him to get lost in the shuffle.

We arrived at the drs office at 8:50, our appointment was at 9, if you know me at all this is HUGE!So we sit and sit in the waiting room. The waiting room happened to be filled with VERY sick kids, that day, i thought i am so grateful we are just here for a consult-- it could be so much worse.

We get into the room, get an accurate weight--ounces less than he wieghed just last week :( i had filled out all of the patient paper work before i arrived(they mailed it to me) so my boy and I just sat on the floor and played with his cars. Really just enjoying our time together.then in walks the dr...

He starts right into the chart asking, asking, asking... then stops and says "I am so sorry! Im Dr Rittmeyer and you are..." I answer with a "deer-in-the-headlights" stare. I had waited for this appointment for a few weeks! I was so excited! Then he came in and i was instantly so over-whelmed! We discussed the symptoms the baby is consistantly presenting and we talk about weight gain or the lack there of and how he is very disappointed i havent seen him sooner. Moving on in our discussion, he begins to almost mumble to himself but directs the comments to me and or logan. Then he says "well after wieghing the pros and cons of scoping him i think we go ahead...is that okay with you?" i say "um okay i just had one personally and they didn't gain any insight from it... can you tell me more?" "I can scope him tomorrow! I feel like i would end up scoping him in the end, so i would rather do it now!" Let me go set that up for you!

The Dr returns explaining that he is concerned about "celiac Disease" and wonders if Logans body has reacted to a point that his "villi" are blunted. Meaning the "villi" located in the small intestine from what i understand are not doing their job i.e. absorbing nutrition. Which can explain the weight issue. I was just in shock. Not that we could possibly be finding a solution-- but that they were going to sedate my child and begin biopsying him--TOMORROW!

FAST FORWARD... Today at 4:30 i wake up paniced that i had over slept, i pray and lay there trying to rest  few more minutes. 5:30 i get out of bed, put on what i realized later was a shirt that i had worn to build a VBS set a few years ago and has appoxy on it and bum flip flops. Everything looks more glorious in the dark! I scoop up my sleeping toddler and put him in the car. i have a sippy cup that he cant drink because he is fasting--GReat job, right-- i guiltfully drive thru mcdonalds to get Diet Coke, hoping to just survive the day. Arriving at the GIDU there are clear signs posted all around reading
                           "Due to respect for patients fasting for procedures   
                             we ask that NO FOOD OR DRINK be brought into
                             this waiting room"

Seriously!!! I dont go ANYWHERE without a coke in my hand! I sleathly sneak it into the waiting room and set it right on the counter while i check in-- smooth right?! Very gratefully no one says a word about my lifeline at the time. Logan and i sit quietly in the waiting area, register, pay the co-pay... then we just sit. I sit quietly praying over him and quoting scripture. Then we get called back.

Two busted blood vessels from yesterday, and a blood draw wound made IV instertion difficult. So after busting two more today they put it in his foot. In general he doesnt mind getting blood drawn or the IV thing-- but the foot option... well he screamed and screamed. It was horrible.

Then we snuggled a few minutes before they decided it was time to go.

As we began to walk along side the gurney it hit me. one step at a time the tears began to fall. Walking into the room with the ultrasound machine on and the bright lights on high, i began to shiver a bit. Dr rittmeyer reassured me telling me it was Simple, really. They all were great about the whole thing. Patiently he said ... I think it is time for Mom to go. I walked out and lost it. Wandered back into the prep room where a nurse helped me gather my things, and i just sobbed. Finding a place in the waiting room where i could just fall into MY Father. I cried out to Him and just asked for him to hold me. Not answers. Not healing . Just to hold me. To lay His mighty hands on my sweet boy and keep him safe. I just wanted it to be over.

Wallowing, texting updates and trying to untanlge my headphones werent complete before i saw Dr Rittmeyer round the corner. It was Over. It was Simple, REALLY! He asked if Logan had consumed any ibuprofen in the last week. When my answer was No and he shook his head. i was a little spooked. We stepped into the recovery room and he began to list the biopsies he completed. Esophogus, small intestine, stomach, (the part of the stomach that processes sugars because that too could be an issue) and errosions. He then explains this to me..

There are two spots in the base of Logans stomach that are "erroded". Typically this is caused by too much ibuprofen or motrin-- but it would to have been given in the last week-which it hasnt. The other cause could be a few things: an allergic reaction to something he has eaten, or the stress of the food resistance has worn on his body to the point an ulcer is forming...well two ulcers are forming. None of this will be clear or definate until the biopsies arrive next week.

Originally we were going to wait to address the celiac thing until the biopsies were back.... today we went gluten free per Drs orders. "No confirmations but almost postitive from what i saw today" Living Dairy free and Gluten free are going to pose a list of new challenges, and are going to require entire family lifestyle changes. But my boy is totally worth it! coming out of the sedation took quite a while for him-- his weight was apparently a problem with dosage because he is soo tiny. So they were never auditably concered(In front of his mother) but when different nurses begin to show up in your recovery room and the Dr returns... you kinda figure it out. After much prodding, tape ripping and toe pulling his eyes opened. Hesitantly he grunted a few times and they filed out of the room, mission accomplished. Shorty thereafter we were released on our new journey.

living gluten free and dairy free with be a huge change for us. WE are a food loving family!

Its simple though, really. God gave me sweet Logan to care for. No mountain too high, no valley too low. No ulcer to hard to diagnose. I(WE) will continue to explore his best plan of action until we discover what is best. I will order new things to keep my pantry(his food needs to be seperate from the other stuff-so seperate the kids can understand it) safe, i will educate my kids on what is safe, label things for the nursey situations so that i am sure he is watched carefully, and so on.

Dont Panic. I am with you. There is no need to fear for i'm your God. Ill give you strength. Ill help you. Ill hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. Isaiah 41:10

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phillipians 4:6

it is simple, really.... He loves Logan more than i can fathom. He loved him first. He is in control. He wipes my tears and comforts my soul. He heals all wounds and is creator of all things.... it IS simple. Really.

Answers??

In November last year we celebrated Logan's first birthday! He was a peanut of a guy, but the sweatshirt i had made for his party was 12 months so i guess i thought he was right on track. The following week was his 1 year "well-baby visit". He weighed 18.8 pounds. Usually at 12 months babies weigh close to the 20 pound mark.

Seeing as he was close-in my mind- i wasn't overly concerned about his weight at that point. Our pediatrician (whom we love, both to death) was careful not to scare me but told me exactly what he would be watching for in our next few visits. Logan's head circumference had grown, his height had advanced on the charts, but even with those numbers growing his weight wasn't advancing. If you are really working the numbers- if a kid grows in height you would assume that just skeletal changes would increase his weight-right? WRONG.

From 9-12 months, Logan began to walk, self feed, and he transitioned from breast milk to a hypoallergenic formula, developed eczema and did not start talking. So with everything else changing, our Dr said we would cautiously watch his weight and see if the changes were to blame for the weight not increasing. If his body was still "growing" the dietary changes and new physical activity had to be to blame, i thought. This is easy.

So we went back monthly to weigh, and we celebrated each ounce. I even turned his car seat around for a bit of a road trip so he could watch a movie! I was so excited to see progress. Then what seemed like bowel issues related to the breast milk-to-formula-to-cows milk transition continued. The further back we looked, we found that it started in the ninth month. He was a biter and so we were primarily pumping at that point but then when the bowel issues showed up,our ped. recommended we switch to a gentler formula. So we did. Diarrhea persisted. So excited to move away from the $35 a can formula, we switched to whole cow's milk. Diarrhea persisted.

At 15 months the eczema was crazy. His legs were blotchy and rough and he would just lay there and let your rub them because they itched him. Still having 5-7 bowel movement a day, ped. wondered if it was Dairy all around.I have a diagnosed lactose intolerance so it made perfect sense to me! Absolutely! So we went dairy free. So for three full months he was dairy free. We substituted almond milk for 2 months, then because the diarrhea continued to rear its ugly head I wondered if maybe there was a nut thing going on too. So i pulled nuts too.

If you have ever read ANYTHING about bulking a kid up they suggest going from 2% milk back to whole milk and adding peanut butter to anything and everything you can. Both of the things i had pulled from Logan's diet.

So as we arrived at the 18month check up i knew what was expected and i knew what we were going to deliver. God and i had many discussions about why my boy wasn't growing. There were many times when i pleaded and steamed and He quietly listened. I spent timejuat spooking myself on google and asking Him why? Thankfully both of the peds in this practice are Christians and related with me when i described these moments to them... they too patiently listened.

This appointment happened to be scheduled with the nurse practitioner----the same nurse practitioner that was working in the PICU when Luke went to the hospital last summer, and who made a special effort to come to our room because we were patients of the practice where she was only part time then. She has finished her schooling and is now full time with their practice, but she was like Gods little wink encouraging me that this too was able to be taken care of. That He WAS taking care of it.

As she and I recounted the months of prior trial and error events we drew up our game plan. In the past few months i too have been struggling with GI related issues and there was a theory of an intestinal parasite for me... so we of course explored that possibility with Logan. His tests were negative, but we ran a round of meds anyway. They are not harmful to anything but the parasite-- and we are desperate. We then discussed visiting the allergist to absolutely rule out or be confident in the food removal decisions we have made. Then to the Pediatric GI doctor to begin the journey of the diarrhea solution. Kids cant gain weight if every calorie they take in exits promptly. Hopefully after conferring with those Doctors and their findings we could move on to a nutritionist to discover a plan that was right for Logan's weight gain.

I would like to insert here that the 18 month appointment was @ 9:15 am and by 4pm that very same day i had heard back from 3 of the referrals. The ped's office had not only contacted them with the info, but the doctors offices had all responded. We began to make appointments and relay appointment times back to the ped's office to schedule follow ups with them as we learned more.

Last week 6-15, we met with Dr Goodman, the allergist. I can't say enough how much i liked him from the beginning. I had both both boys with me and it was very busy in that room to say the least. He was patient with the boys and talked to me like a person - not like i didn't have my medical degree. We briefly talked about why i needed to see him first and what i needed most from him. He sighed, then grinned, and said "so basically you need to just check me off your list before you can move on". Which was really true. Although i was curious about the results; i couldn't meet with GI or Nutrition without knowing what allergies we were up against. This visit ended with 4 viles of blood drawn and my boy not even flinching. He has been a trooper when sometimes i have so much running through my mind i cant see straight.

Today we were scheduled for the "infant panel" allergy skin testing. He was prepped. Pricked. And we waited...

The results were ALL NEGATIVE! The intense soy testing and dairy testing were both negative. Plus all of the pricks with common allergens were negative as well.

With results in hand, Dr Goodman still recommended to withhold dairy products until we meet Dr Rittmeyer next week. Dr Goodman slipped a few times and referred to Dr Rittmeyer by his first name, this made me giggle inside because i felt so much more confident about the Drs God has set in my path. These drs are not only able to work well together but are apparently friends. What better relationship could i have asked for to help me figure out how to care for my baby?

So per drs orders we introduced Soy today. In milk and yogurt forms. We will document any changes, if any, for the next 7 days so we can take them to the GI appointment next week. I also left with my own copies of all the testing that Dr Goodman's office ran, to add to the growth charts Dr Stones office provided, and i feel ready and excited to move on the Dr Rittmeyer's office next week.

WE will return to the allergist in 2 months to regroup with Dr Rittmeyer's recommendations and requests.

I want to pass along some things i learned today. Diary allergy and Dairy intolerance are not the same. Allergies cause immediate reactions--sometimes deadly. Intolerance is a "gut" issue that your body just cant process the dairy products well. Dr Goodman very candidly said "cows milk was designed for cows, not humans" AS simple as that sounds he made perfect sense to me. We homogenize and pasteurise milk to keep it longer, but maybe it is the artificial enzymes we cant process? Would it be easier on Logan's tummy straight from the cow? No, i am not going to run out and buy a cow, but really took a moment to ponder Gods perfect design.

He created us to produce milk for our own young. There are many moms that are unable to do this but we have created an amazing substitute for them. Soy is a bean that God has given us for many years has been grown to turn into many different things! Almonds are even able to made into a "milk". I am not saying that God didn't intend for us to drink cows milk-- but maybe we aren't supposed to mess with the original make up... maybe the way He made it and people consumed it for hundreds of years was what He intended... just my random thoughts.

I will post again after the GI appointment next week and i promise a shorter post since i wont have to give any background info. If you stuck it out long enough to make it this far, Thank you. We are incredibly blessed to have friends, family and followers who pray for us on this journey.

For HE knows the plans He has for us...