lessons learned don't come cheap

" on my way home" I texted Joel, while i drove a stick shift speeding down the rd.

I know i know texting and driving is BAD. REALLY BAD. But i do it sometimes. Between Joel and I we have a great big extended family. His is mostly west coast and mine is mostly in THE GREAT STATE but either way its BIG. We lost a member this week just on the cusp of burying another. One we knew really well and shared great memories with-even had a child born on his birthday and another carrying his name- and the other after 11 years in the white family i hadn't even heard about. A cousin that i didn't even know existed.

As i work these next few months i want to make sure that the moments i have are marked by pride and and accomplishment. Both with my children and on the financial goals we have set as a couple. Most of you know the ups and downs i have struggled with recently and i have to confess that having a little part time job - or three as it turns out- has made me feel so alive. Life for me is kind of like a triathlon, or whatever a more complicated race would be called. It is always moving faster than i am, yet i need to be one step ahead.

Some where in all of that, life had become absorbed in things that maybe didn't matter as much. Now we all look forward to the 9 am soccer practice that we go to as a family, or a walk in the amazing fall weather. I am definitely cherishing each second. I miss my children terribly. Like indescribably. I worry that i am missing things and i call Joel almost every night from work with things that i forgot to tell him need to be done that night. We are learning, we are endeavoring upon life one step at a time together, as a team.

The coolest part is watching the kids step up and want to be an active part in the success of it all. We have explained to Lexi why i went to work, and what the long term benefits include. To be five she has a very mature grasp on money. Yes, some might say she is spoiled and i won't deny that, but she is also at a very pivotal point where she is learning that things have to be earned. Helping her to understand more and more about responsibility. She did the happy dance right along with us when i got my first pay check.

I try to make lists for Joel about what the night needs to hold, and i go over the lists with the girls so they can help him remember it all. Well my girls -the boss and the mother hen-- handle this maybe a little too well. They very much enjoy having an idea about what is needed to be accomplished and having the pride of knowing the next morning that they can report back a job complete. Are things around the house getting missed-- absolutely. But very important life lessons are being learned, by all of us.

Joel and i set aside time each night after i get home- which is later than he used to even be awake- to talk about our days, what took place in the evening while i was away and what the happenings for the next day will be. We have even chatted with his parents over seas almost every night, because we are up late enough to skype them first thing in their morning( we are eight hours behind them).

i am exhausted. Purely spent. Four children didn't exactly leave me rested though. If anything i am more careful with each moment now than i was before. I can probably hear a beautiful song written by my daughter or urge my son to sit on the potty just a little longer while i do the dishes. Maybe even teach a colors lesson while i do the laundry. Absolutely delight in the light in Lexi's eyes when she nails her sight words packet for this week... you know the ones she and her daddy have been drilling at night :)

There were plenty of moments that i just handled because i was the mommy and it was my job. Teaching my kids to depend on their daddy has been the most important lesson in all of this. He is just as capable. He might not know where your purple socks with tinkerbell are, but he will help you find them even if it means crawling under your bed because you are so sure they are there!

IN the end, when it is my time to go be with my sweet Savior, i want to have no regrets. Being sure that my children feel loved, have an active relationship with Christ and know my marriage was a real example of what God intended is what i want to leave behind. I want there to be no question about who i was or what i stood for. I too want grandchildren who bear my name with honor.

I am grateful for God's never ending provision for us and the lessons he teaches us along the way. More so i am in awe of how he is teaching all six of us together, bringing us closer with each day. My sweet Logan even knows when I lay him down at night to snuggle right down to sleep... Gods perfect engineering. We tease about Luke being a future engineer, if I can hope for my son to learn to be anything like the Master Engineer it is only thru the life lessons He is teaching us right now.