Teach me your ways, OH LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I will fear your name.

Psalm 86:11

I will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair is white in age. I made you, and I will care for you. I willI will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair carry you along and save you.

Isaiah 46:4




Blessed is the man whose quiver is full.... Psalm 127:5


Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.


Proverbs 3:5-6




Monday, February 6, 2012

legacy

Walked into church after a surprise run to Dunkin Donuts with our family, and it felt really good to be all there together. Sometimes lately Joel and the kids go Saturday nights with out me so that we can have some family time on Sunday morning before i go to work. My kids think only Joel can make waffles properly and of course my pancakes never taste like daddy's do :) That is okay for me really. I have been most recently focused on what they will remember. 

Joel and I are juggling quite a bit right now. His job is hectic to say the least and my juggling the jobs I have plus trying-i said trying- to keep up with the household things is a lot. IN recent weeks,starting in December actually, we began having mechanical issues with my suburban. After several frustrating, unable to diagnose or fix, visits we decided to hang it up. WE purchased that car when i was expecting Luke...It carried us across the country many times. WE will all always remember our first bus. But now we are blessed to have a new suburban and very blessed to have Joel's parents that helped us do it all so quickly. It occurred to me that this one one of the silly things that we would all talk about for years. I took a picture of where the sticker people lived on the back on my suburban. We lived life in that car for three great years. The memories and road trips with last a lifetime.

We have also had birthday parties for Logan, Luke, and Lexi in the last few months. Luke actually made out with three between all our travels, but there are video tapes and pictures to document it all. I am a photograph-aholic if that is such a thing, so i am sure there will be many chronicled events to look back on when they are grown....

But will they remember things that aren't photographed?

What will it be?

Will i be proud of what i have left behind? Or even before i am gone, will i be proud of the stories they tell my grand kids? Will i have have to apologize later for the things they remember?

In the end i will not be responsible for how Joel acts, how their teachers act or how they spend their adult lives. But i will always feel obligated to be sure their soil is best for their growth and that means holding those people accountable! Deeper than that i want them to remember the little things i say in the quiet moments. I want them to know that each night when i come home from work i sit in the floor of their room and pray for each of them.

When i speak harshly to Lexi about her behavior not being exceptional, does she hear that exceptional is above the awesome level she has already achieved? Nope. She hears failure.

When i reprimand Lorelei about her meltdowns, does she understand that i know she has "personal space" preferences and I realize her siblings are overwhelming her in those moments? Not at all. She hears loud noise. Internally she is shutting down and diffusing the bomb... So i become part of the problem not part of the solution.

Luke, my 100% momma's boy, is still in the midst of potty training. We have really good days and some not so great--well epic failure days. On the good days he beams with pride! Bad days however sound like this--"i not big boy? You sad at me? your heart bwoken?" Do i really make him carry around his self worth based on making it in time? i know potty training boys is hard and we are making progress, but i must react more positively to the good days. He probably doesn't remember the things i say those days. Dry underwear doesn't matter to him, but since it matters to me-- it carries the weight of the world for him.

Logan is just a ray of sunshine right now. He waves when i say good bye and opens his mouth wide for a kiss. Toddles just as fast as his little feet can when i walk into the door, and these are the things that keep me going. Maybe when he is old enough to remember I will be better at controlling my tongue in these sacred moments with my babies.

In Service yesterday there was a video played that a dad left to his family. It entailed life instruction for his boys, a welcome message for the baby on the way, many loving words to his wife and professions of faith for his children to always know where he stood. If i left a message right now would my life compare to the words i would leave? Would the words for them outweigh the words i say each day?

I must strive each day to be the women God desired for me to be. The women He knows i can be. The women He planned for me to be in these children's lives. The wife I am some days, may I be that Wife all of my days.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, OH LORD" Psalm 19:14



                                                                   Heart Shaped Donuts :)



                                                          Growing up way too fast