Teach me your ways, OH LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I will fear your name.

Psalm 86:11

I will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair is white in age. I made you, and I will care for you. I willI will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair carry you along and save you.

Isaiah 46:4




Blessed is the man whose quiver is full.... Psalm 127:5


Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.


Proverbs 3:5-6




Thursday, December 22, 2011

Life

Logan is humming himself to sleep in the pack-n-play.

Lexi, Luke and Jordan are watching cartoons.

Lorelei is... well because i am a super star mom I have no -idea, there are three other adults here.

Sitting on a bed alone is a rarity these days. I have not been able to blog simply because i don't have time. There are days where my mind is so full of things i want to share but i just cant break away long enough to type it. My computer did have a virus that thankfully my husband was able to fix but that was an issue too. All of that to say i am here right now, typing again.

I love Christmas. I have really enjoyed my almost three year old singing happy birthday to Jesus more than i can say. Working in retail usually steals the Christmas spirit from me, but not this year. IN the last month i watched a friend bury her 14 day old son.Tiny white boxes are horrible. It was a beautiful service, but my heart has broken over and over for her. I cried most of the day. I was overly grateful that i have two jobs and that although I would not get to see them that evening because they would be sleeping, I had FOUR children at home. Watching this amazing women blog through their journey, was inspiring, encouraging, and maybe a reason i haven't been able to blog lately. How could I?

I do not often enough stop and proclaim how absolutely blessed i am to have four perfectly healthy children. Yes we have some weird allergies, and have contracted some of the rarest virus' around for kids. These kids are perfect exactly how God designed them. Sometimes i sit amidst the craziness and marvel at how different they are. Specifically how each of their personalities challenges me to grow. I spend quite a bit of time in prayer. Praying for peace, specifically, I'm not sleeping so i might as well be praying. I used to dread stumbling up the stairs to find out who was crying and why. Not anymore. Trying to imagine my life with any of them not in it- was horrible.

Most of you know we had a pretty scary encounter with Luke this year. Playing that over and over in my head in recent weeks has made me so very confident in Gods plan for each of my children. Luke has climbed on top of my car, almost drowned. tried to climb over he 2nd floor banister, jumped off the bunk bed and the list goes on. My sweet red head has a taste for adventure, my God however knows that one day he will complete some top secret mission fearless of what the consequences-- maybe even saving someone. I am not already signing him up for the seals or the rangers, but he would be good at it.

My car had to be in the shop for about two weeks for what started out as routine maintenance, and ended up fixing many issues.  Two weeks was a really long time to be with out a car and we ended up renting one, but there were a few days that Lexi rode the bus. I WAS TERRIFIED! She was of course super excited. Everything was fine. Each i day i still waited at the bus stop full of fear and wondered if she would get off or if she was wandering around in someone else's neighborhood. Lexi is very smart- and that isn't just me, her mom, saying that. I had no reason to worry but God carefully guided her on and off the bus and placed great teachers in her classroom to be caregivers while she is at school.

HE always has a plan. A plan bigger than mine and His calendar is bigger than just my five year planner. I love that about Him. It is probably one of my favorite parts about being a child of God. This plan of His gives me comfort in times of unrest, certainty in times of turmoil, and peace in times I don't understand. You will never hear me say that i think He takes people from us on purpose. Why? Simply because that is cold, and too much to bear. Believing in Him provides me with a much more tasteful response-- they went to meet Sweet Jesus.

"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mothers womb." Psalm 139:13

If you created something by hand-blood sweat and tears- wouldn't you want to watch it be used? yes, but you also might just want to cradle it in your arms too. I believe with my whole heart that He brings people back to His kingdom because He just cant stand to see them hurt any longer. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt the humans left behind-more than the word hurt can even define. Hurt can however also do wonderful things for the kingdom.

Another friend lost her mother this last week, and i shared a little with Lexi. She at first was shocked that God would "take" someones mommy away. Later was kind of excited that if i died i got to meet Jesus. Then the most wonderful thing hit her-- "so death isn't scary it really exciting because i get to see JESUS!" Praise God!

The Friend that lost her son is our pediatrician in Savannah-- someone that is very real to my kids. Someone they knew was expecting. Sharing with them the amazing scriptures about how God very carefully stitched them together and that He is so very proud of His work was awe inspiring. Watching their faces as they processed the thought that HE MADE THEM was awesome. Seeing their faces when they found out he passed away was just as awesome. As i carefully sewed baby bibs into a blanket we talked about how i would always love this blanket because it had pieces of them in it and they were pieces of me. I talked about how i would always want them to take special care of the blanket and that i hoped it would keep them warm when it finished. Sharing that this sweet boy was someone that God loved just as much as I loved them was really cool for them. Then Lexi said "So He didn't want the baby to be sick anymore because that hurt His heart" AMEN

Death is hard. We have had three deaths in our family just this year. As a whole there has been too much death in our family. Young people and old either one is gut wrenching. never getting easier it is still a vital part of life. Young people sometimes fall to their knees during a loss in total despair that otherwise would never have come to Him. Others-- well me very definitely in this season- stop and rethink.

16 hours in the car could have--should have-- driven me bonkers and not that i was thankful for each moment but spending this Christmas with my family is precious. Staring at a beautifully lit tree with ornaments from all over the world and one green construction paper hand with a poem is perfect. Knowing that my children understand the meaning of Christmas in a much deeper way this year is beyond measure.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer." JOB 19:25

Thank you Father for the gift of these handcrafted pieces of wonder. Thank you for parents(both sets) that support us on this journey we call life. Thank you Father for your blessings. Amen


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

thankful

This month we all tend to focus on what we are most thankful for. Pure awesomeness if you want my opinion-- i figure you wouldn't be here reading this if you didn't care about my opinions.

I promised that i would update you on all the craziness as soon as i could, but just know that in the end i will post, gratefully, a happy ending.

Going back to work was a huge change at my house, not to mention i got several part-time jobs, which added to the juggling act. I work at "Bath and Body Works", "Gymboree Corp", and doing Childcare at the church i attend for Real women's bible study. With out telling you which of these jobs the story is directly related too, i will tell you that it was not the church.

I went to work for a regular scheduled shift and was contacted about being under a Loss Prevention investigation. Meaning that i was on probation until it was resolved. originally they told me that i had 72 hours from notification to resolve the matter-- since this was on a Friday i fought for the 72 hours not to begin until the following business day. Hesitantly they agreed and so my journey began. LP notified me of 3 criminal charges that were showing up on my background check, red flagging me in the "non-hire" category.

Joel and I began to search on the Internet for what we could find in public record about someone with a name similar to mine, or county records that matched the alleged crimes. Very scary! There is someone with my name and birth date. Well, 19 women with my birth date and name. Just in Indiana. 1200 Nationwide.

The more we googled my name the more we were creeped out by what we found. We did find the crimes that were showing up on my check and were able to find out which agencies to contact for more information. First thing Monday morning i contacted the court house-located in Indiana, a state i have never even been too-- and wrote down all of the necessary information they needed to verify that it wasn't me.
  • $10 money order for processing
  • 2 $5 finger print cards that i have to obtain from the county sheriff's office (a place i cannot take my children therefore requiring me to also get a babysitter)
  • a letter with my social security number, my full name at birth, and explanation of what i was disputing
  • copy of my marriage license to prove my name change

So i was spending money while i was on probation from my job, please note.

I was supposed to have been emailed the copy of the information my employer received immediately after our initial phone conversation, but that didn't happen. Watching the clock anxiously , I called every hour for the information. I am sure that LP was really tired of me. It was important though that they understood they could not charge those hours against my 72. So i began racing against the clock. I called the background agency they used and inquired about the information used to link me the the crimes. JUST MY NAME AND BIRTH DATE! Not my social security number. My social - the number LP shouted at me, saying i had verified the information, was never used in the background process.

Following the exact procedures of the agency- meant a 10 days open-to-close time frame. Keep in mind that is only business days too, so my time is burning and my hands are now tied. I have called everyone i can think of calling, sent information here there and everywhere, and now i am sitting waiting to get fired just because NOTHING will be back to justify me on time?! um NO. I happen to be a retired attorney's daughter and pretty strong willed as well, so i wasn't exactly okay with just sitting and waiting before the firing squad.

My store manager was AMAZING. She believed me throughout the whole process and gave the names and numbers i needed to get into contact with Human Resources( in the company it is called something different but clearly that can't be stated). After calling my regional HR person @ about 3 pm i had lost almost all hope. It was day two and almost the end of my 72 hours.  Then at 6:30pm the regional HR person calls me-- from her cell phone. She wanted to be sure that i didn't feel forgotten. There were questions she needed me to answer so that she was sure what questions to research the following day. SHE CALLED ME AFTER BUSINESS HOURS ON HER OWN TIME.

  1.  Thankful for two women that understood it wasn't just a job. This was my name and possibly my retail work option eliminated. They cared about me as a person.
I frequently emailed my manager about the status of the process and now this is day 3, the end of the dreaded time frame. My phone rings and it is the RHRL (Regional Human Resources Liaison- not sure if that is her official in store title but that is what we will call her). She tells me she isn't sure why in the world my social hadn't been used to verify the information before calling me to place me on probation, and why the time limit of 72 hours is given when it takes 7-10 days to resolve it through their private contractor. So in short she gave me all the time i needed to resolve the issue.

Let me stop for a minute and say that typically when they collar someone-- it is accurate. The employee doesn't fight the charges because they were just hoping nobody found them out. So when i began disputing this thing i caught many of he corporate people of guard. My aggression combined with legal advice made them very uncomfortable. If this had not turned out in my favor (because none of it was accurate) i could have dragged a monster lawsuit out-- but that wasn't something they were familiar handling on a day-to-day basis. This situation was sticky and they handled me as little as possible and with kid gloves.

Checking in regularly with both the background agencies, and my store manager plus keeping my dad informed of any progress was exhausting. I wasn't sleeping well, and i was angry when the $6 pay check hit my account.

          2. Thankful that God is bigger. The day i got a $6 paycheck, i also received my first          church check for a month's worth of work due to a direct deposit hiccup. It was His subtle way of  telling me He was still in control-- of ALL of it!

That very same day I called the agency and my case had been closed. My status had been updated to "hire-able". While i sat in the car pool line, my store manager called and very calmly asks me what i have been up to that day and asks if i have heard anything from higher up. Then drops the bomb.....


" I just got off the phone with my DM and I get to put you back on the schedule!" Seriously could have jumped out of my car and shouted at everyone else in the line! It was an amazing moment! I called my dad, my mom, --Joel was in meetings so i didn't even attempt to call him- and my sister. I texted my small group leader that has been praying with me, and my friend who texted me daily asking if i was still a criminal lol.

I WAS FREE!!! Wasn't I always free? Why was i living in fear of this thing not coming out in my favor?! I didn't commit these crimes, why wasn't i sure about the outcome?

Well when you are pinned with something like this, it begins to defeat you in such a way that you think maybe, just maybe you aren't supposed to have a job with these people because you aren't up to par.  I am an excellent sales person-- if that sounded proud, it was supposed too. I am really good at what i do. Customers come first and the personality God gave to me is perfect for retail environments.

          3. Eternally grateful that He never is done molding me.

As a parent my children will come to me feeling defeated. They might get to a place of feeling broken. How better equipped to deal with those dark places am i now?! I spent a night or two in "Hotel self pity".  This experience taught me so much.

My Husband was behind me 110%. After the initial accusations he just held me and told me he was sorry that after asking me to go back to work this is what i had gotten. He rejoiced with me when it was over and was equally excited when i had three schedules making life crazy again.

Both of my store managers were very supportive. I obviously had to notify my other manager in case this grew into something bigger -- but knowing that i had passed their background check made it easier to stomach. She scheduled me as many hours as possible trying to make up for the other loss in income. Then the store manager that never lost faith in me. She directed me to the right contacts and continually encouraged me telling me how much she wanted me to be on her TEAM.

Having parents that knew i had been a little wild as a teen but never doubting my potential as an adult. They stood fast with me as i battled through this 15 day hell.

Finally overly assured that our move to Savannah continues to prove a right fir for us. The friends God has put in my path are nothing but supportive. These people know only what i have shared in our brief time here, have only a few months worth of interactions with me and were nothing but faithful to me. The couple that had my kids while i was being accused that day, ordered pizza and laughed as we all teased about my criminal activity. They could have nervously shooed me out the door!!!

Thank you to all of you that prayed this journey through with me and Thank you to My Heavenly Father who chose my parents, my husband and my great kids. Lexi told me yesterday that she sure was glad i wasn't a criminal anymore! :) These are the moments i live for. The times God gives me to teach my children and He continues to teach me.

There was an incredible discussion about the age of accountablity that stemmed from all of this in my little family.... but that is another blog for another day :)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I sort my kids outfits for the week into gallon size ziploc bags (the ones with the sliding zipper) complete with socks underwear and hair accessory. This helps a few different ways.
  • There is no discussion in the morning when you are heading somewhere on a time schedule
  • Not franticly looking for a piece to an outfit with screaming children
  • If someone had an accident yesterday, you grab a new bag of clothes to replenish your diaper bag stash
  • Helps dad participate in the dressing on a morning we are all headed somewhere and eliminates the "where are the..." discussions
  • Makes packing for a trip super easy! the mind set is already established to grab an outfit and what makes a "bag". Then on the trip the older kids can grab a bag that says their name and dress themselves with out making a mess of the suitcase!
  • I have the bags in a weekly organizer that i got from "lillianvernon.com" that hangs in my closet. So the outfits are readily accessible while i am getting ready too. A "sweater sorter" for the closet would serve the same purpose.
I monogram or label EVERYTHING! not just because i am obsessed-- but because with four little people things need to be clearly marked! Luke is able to identify his name at three because he sees it all the time. I ordered the rubber sippy cup/sports bottle labels from www.inchbug.com that not only have the kids names but are color coded as well. So the night before i make sippy cups/travel cups with milk for the ride to school. The kids know which one is theirs and can pic it from the fridge on the way out. This is a huge help!

We have recently gotten to the point that luke can wear underwear when we go places. This was ok as long as he never noticed the difference between the men's room and the ladies' room. After going with daddy a few times he has learned that there is a boy on one door and a "gurr" on the other one. Taking advantage of this since i have two of each gender i have sorted the socks by girls vs boys. Joel isn't really pleased with Luke picking pink socks out before church so this eliminates that problem. I printed (in powerpoint using clip-art) a "slide" that says BOYS SOCKS and then have a mens restroom emblem and a picture of socks. Even the non readers can identify these-- i made one for "grrs" and one for boys.


The girls are close to being able to share shoes, and the boys aren't really good at putting their shoes anywhere they can ever be found again. So we had 1 shoe bucket by the back door that shoes were supposed to go into immediatly after entering the house. That worked for a while, but everytime I went looking for a certain pair there was only one. So then we got two buckets and shoes werent allowed upstairs. Now we have FOUR buckets-- and guess what?! Yep, they are labeled! Each child has a bucket that not only has their name on it, but is printed in "their" color, and has a clip art photo of the shoes they have ( as close as i can get, i also made these in power point with clip art). This made a HUGE difference!

The bookcase that houses our shoe buckets by the back door also has a bucket ( I use plastic file totes, that also have the option of stacking- in case the need to serve another purpose later-- you know like to hold files :) that is labeled "snacks to go". This box has granola bars, cheez-its that i have pre-bagged, popcorn in tupperware containers etc. If i am going to a drs appt i will pack a grocery bag of just snacks. i use them as entertainment-- well and bribery. Next to the bucket is a case of Horizon chocolate milk boxes ( that have a six month self life and dont have to be refrigerated) so i can grab milk and snacks quickly when packing. Time saving STAR for sure!

With four kids, well visits, school calendars and my own work schedule i had to come up with a way to have it all but not carry 80 bags. If you have ever seen me you know i carry a purse-- most likely HUGE-- and each of my kids have a back pack or a GIANT diaper bag that probably is over stuffed and wont zip! However, when i go to the pediatrician I will need FOUR insurance cards, Four shot records and Four co-pays. So i have an envelope size expandafile for all things medical. the expandafile comes with little labels and i have each child a slot for their items. This is also great if you make a shot visit and they give you a paper for each child's shots. You can file them in that childs slot and know which child could run into which shot related symptom later.  I also have an expandafile with their college savings info in it, and empty one for travel documents when we all travel together.

I am soon planning on posting a few of my how to travel with four toddlers tricks but tonight i must sleep!



                                         

Thursday, October 27, 2011

big Yawn and STREEETCHHHHH

There are so many things going on that i would love to rant about today but i can't. Don't worry however when i have cleared all of the red tape i will share all of it.

For now, I want to tell you the latest mini-drama with my kids. It is common knowledge that i DON'T DO MORNINGS well. You might not have known that my kids are programmed that way as well-- have no idea who did that lol! School starting has been really hard on all of us. It includes tears at bed time, sometimes stern warnings for wandering around up stairs, and HUGE meltdown in the mornings--every morning.

Going back to work didn't necessarily help any of that either. I am more tired, and have less time to get ready for the next day after i come home from work. Picking up a job on Tuesday and Thursday mornings doing childcare take me out of the house two more days too. All of this leads me to the issue.

I got a note from Lexi's school that she had 8 tardies. The above passage never stated that I haven't been late once or twice but EIGHT times?! So i inquired to the teacher and find out that what i understood to be on time and the school's definition of on time are different. If i drop her off in the car pool line (with 50 cars still behind me) but the time is after 8:25 i assumed she was still on-time because teachers were still out there opening doors. This is not the case. When she entered the building she was handed a tardy slip-- in the building out of my line of sight. Since she didn't know the slips were bad she never told me about them.

So last night before work i prepacked as much of her lunch as i could, neatly placed the infamous labeled ziploc bags out on the coffee table and placed shoes next to them. Checked Lexi's Folder signing this and proudly scanning the day's work. Put this weeks sight words by Joel's place at the table and threw dinner in the oven. I felt like i had it all together. So as soon as Joel left i zoomed to work.

Upon arriving home i find only one Ziploc bag still on the table. Shoes scattered on the floor and my husband apparently not understanding the importance of the bags and their careful placement, baffled as to why i am so frustrated. Let me say it was Lexi's bag that was still on the table, Little diva isn't going to stand by and let her outfit be messed with! Lorelei however had hers in the tightest clasp a little hand can have while sleeping in her bed. Luke's? I searched and searched and searched. Then Joel and i were tearing apart the house looking for the bag that Luke had also stuffed his jacket inside.

At 11:30pm, the night before i was starting a new morning routine with my kids, it occurs to me that after i laid out the bags they went out to play. Did he take his bag that had his now stuffed jacket in it, out with him? Joel pleads with me, telling my that is ridiculous! Why would he take it outside? Its late, Nickie, he says pick out something else-- find it tomorrow. I quickly slide on some flip flops and carefully walk outside hoping not to meet any critters. There as if covered in gold was the Ziploc bag. In the tree house-- only the most logical place for a little boy to store one days worth of clothes, shoes and a jacket! hahaha Joel and i laughed and laughed as we talked about how much of a stinker he was.

As we moved him from our bed- where he fell asleep watching TV-- we thought about how many more "adventures" he will go on that will leaving us looking for one Ziploc bag full of yesterday.

They are growing so fast and starting school seems to have grown the two in the middle too. Thankfully we arrived this morning at 8:07, and did the happy dance as we confirmed our timeliness! Heading to our morning job Lorelei and Luke both yawned and griped about being sleepy.... But watching them nap together today reminds me that they are still my babies although bigger each moment.

Babies, as i watch you grow, i relish in each accomplishment. I am so very proud of each of you! Watching you smile, brings more joy than comprehensible. Each moment -even the tense ones- are ones i will remember. I love you more than words can describe and i hope one day that when you read these blogs you will understand that although we were busy i tried to write down (or type as the case turns out to be) as much as i can. I love you--mommy

Friday, October 14, 2011

boys boys boys

You have undoubtedly heard some one call a young man a "mamma's boy", and i have a red head that is absolutely nothing but that. Logan isn't quite big enough to have declared his preference as clearly... time will tell. Doesn't this upset my husband you say? um, NO! Why? because in the dictionary mamma's boy is defined:

Mamma's boy: noun, Joel White, Joshua White, Jordan White

Lol both of Joel's parents worked when he was growing up but there was a closeness between those boys and their mom. She worked hard to insure they have a bond like no other. However when we married, the amazing women they call mom made it clear to Joel that his choices now had to focus on me and our children.

I have seen many marriages struggle due to conflict with in-law relationships. There are even moms of boys who feel like their son has been "stolen" by the new wife. As women we are called to be nurturing, and encourage the next generation of women. Sadly that isn't how it turns out--- at all.

Joel and I -- well we married at the J.P. on a Monday morning and called our parents afterwards. We had been dating 3 years and we felt we were ready. Our parents were concerned because we were young and had asked us to wait. Clearly we didn't.

December 15th we tied the knot and called his parents as we drove away from the courthouse. His mother was quiet but didn't say anything that could have ruined the moment. Ten days later when we arrived at his parents for Christmas, there was a stocking for me and gifts that were newly married necessities. In what seemed like no time at all she made sure I felt welcome on my first Christmas as a "White". Seven months after we were married we discovered that i was pregnant. As soon "mom" found out we were expecting she ran and got a yellow layette and had it shipped. By the time it arrived, we had miscarried. She mourned with us, cautiously waited thru the first trimester of my pregnancy with Lexi and celebrated when we were in the clear. My mother- in- law was open about her concerns each time we added another mouth to feed, but always celebrated each one with us and has even fed those mouths quite a bit.

I have recently had conversations with girlfriends that are close to me that have been told "they aren't family", "they aren't the choice the parents had hoped for", or "we worry about your marriage to my son". I have tried to excuse myself from conversations or moments that i felt were sacred for just "the family" and have always been reminded that i AM part of this family!

As a mom to one or maybe two mamma's boys, I vow to now make a choice to teach my boys(and girls) about the values to look for in a mate. That they aren't just marrying the boy/girl- they are marrying the WHOLE family. I pray that i will be a strong guide and offer answers to any questions about there relationships. I hope that i will encourage them to date looking for a mate not just shopping around. I firmly believe a boy that can cook is a welcome addition and makes a young man stand out, too!(thanks mom :)

In short i will strive to be positive and receptive of my children's choices because i have prayed that God will place their, hand-picked by Him, spouses into their lives. And the He will give me the grace to let them "cleave" to their spouses as He intended.

For all of you that struggle in these relationships, i will leave you with this. My parents struggled with their "in-law issues" for 20 years. I am not saying that that is the only factor in their split but parental support can make a BIG difference in a marriage. But for the love of your spouse and respect for your commitment, you have to make this relationship work.  No one should have to chose between their parents and their spouse. That isn't good for any of you! I pray for resolve on both parts.

To you for whom this post was written... I pray for you daily, sometimes hourly. Marriage is forever and i hope that peace will fill your relationship and His comfort will heal your wounds. I LOVE YOU

Friday, October 7, 2011

lessons learned don't come cheap

" on my way home" I texted Joel, while i drove a stick shift speeding down the rd.

I know i know texting and driving is BAD. REALLY BAD. But i do it sometimes. Between Joel and I we have a great big extended family. His is mostly west coast and mine is mostly in THE GREAT STATE but either way its BIG. We lost a member this week just on the cusp of burying another. One we knew really well and shared great memories with-even had a child born on his birthday and another carrying his name- and the other after 11 years in the white family i hadn't even heard about. A cousin that i didn't even know existed.

As i work these next few months i want to make sure that the moments i have are marked by pride and and accomplishment. Both with my children and on the financial goals we have set as a couple. Most of you know the ups and downs i have struggled with recently and i have to confess that having a little part time job - or three as it turns out- has made me feel so alive. Life for me is kind of like a triathlon, or whatever a more complicated race would be called. It is always moving faster than i am, yet i need to be one step ahead.

Some where in all of that, life had become absorbed in things that maybe didn't matter as much. Now we all look forward to the 9 am soccer practice that we go to as a family, or a walk in the amazing fall weather. I am definitely cherishing each second. I miss my children terribly. Like indescribably. I worry that i am missing things and i call Joel almost every night from work with things that i forgot to tell him need to be done that night. We are learning, we are endeavoring upon life one step at a time together, as a team.

The coolest part is watching the kids step up and want to be an active part in the success of it all. We have explained to Lexi why i went to work, and what the long term benefits include. To be five she has a very mature grasp on money. Yes, some might say she is spoiled and i won't deny that, but she is also at a very pivotal point where she is learning that things have to be earned. Helping her to understand more and more about responsibility. She did the happy dance right along with us when i got my first pay check.

I try to make lists for Joel about what the night needs to hold, and i go over the lists with the girls so they can help him remember it all. Well my girls -the boss and the mother hen-- handle this maybe a little too well. They very much enjoy having an idea about what is needed to be accomplished and having the pride of knowing the next morning that they can report back a job complete. Are things around the house getting missed-- absolutely. But very important life lessons are being learned, by all of us.

Joel and i set aside time each night after i get home- which is later than he used to even be awake- to talk about our days, what took place in the evening while i was away and what the happenings for the next day will be. We have even chatted with his parents over seas almost every night, because we are up late enough to skype them first thing in their morning( we are eight hours behind them).

i am exhausted. Purely spent. Four children didn't exactly leave me rested though. If anything i am more careful with each moment now than i was before. I can probably hear a beautiful song written by my daughter or urge my son to sit on the potty just a little longer while i do the dishes. Maybe even teach a colors lesson while i do the laundry. Absolutely delight in the light in Lexi's eyes when she nails her sight words packet for this week... you know the ones she and her daddy have been drilling at night :)

There were plenty of moments that i just handled because i was the mommy and it was my job. Teaching my kids to depend on their daddy has been the most important lesson in all of this. He is just as capable. He might not know where your purple socks with tinkerbell are, but he will help you find them even if it means crawling under your bed because you are so sure they are there!

IN the end, when it is my time to go be with my sweet Savior, i want to have no regrets. Being sure that my children feel loved, have an active relationship with Christ and know my marriage was a real example of what God intended is what i want to leave behind. I want there to be no question about who i was or what i stood for. I too want grandchildren who bear my name with honor.

I am grateful for God's never ending provision for us and the lessons he teaches us along the way. More so i am in awe of how he is teaching all six of us together, bringing us closer with each day. My sweet Logan even knows when I lay him down at night to snuggle right down to sleep... Gods perfect engineering. We tease about Luke being a future engineer, if I can hope for my son to learn to be anything like the Master Engineer it is only thru the life lessons He is teaching us right now.

Monday, September 26, 2011

shew

So much has happened since i posted last. Some that i can't share, but it will effect us all.

Work is going well. I am very busy, but things are working at home. My life is still consumed with laundry, dishes, and my amazing family. Just seemingly at a different time of night lol. Joel and the kids are still figuring things out, but the essential needs are being met. This weeks goal-- remembering to get teeth brushed at night... its the little things you know :) My poor husband, i have taped notes everywhere with reminders on what needs to take place on the night at hand. Swim lessons in the afternoons is adding craziness, but this is a Mommy and me class with Luke so its a must. The girls have also moved up a level so they are swimming un-assisted and doing so very well! I go to work with a wet head most days right now-- but my kids come first, wet hair for work and all.

J and i managed to squeeze in a date night last week. i was off ONE day last week and our wonderful neighbor/small group friend asked to keep the kids because she enjoys it-- ha! So we took her up on it. We were able squeeze in dinner and a movie. Thanks to my sisters movie gift card to j on his b-day, and our wellsfargo points that earned us an applebees gift card! Best date nights are ones with free childcare, free dinner, and a free movie! Thanks to all of you!

i enjoy both jobs. i spend quite a bit of time at gymboree, so things are more comfortable there, but bath and body is coming along nicely.

There are big changes coming that i will fill you in on as i can along the way.

Logan is a crawling fool and pulls up/ "cruises" around all the furniture. It won't be long until he is walking... I can wait... i am in no hurry. There is a young lady that at work with that is expecting and we talk about pregnancy and this and that, it is still hard to swallow that i won't ever be again. However the focus of getting better set up for four kids in college aka why i am working gives me something else to think about.

no trouble being able to sleep now, if i make it from the couch after dinner i crash pretty quickly after. Since the kids are typically in bed j and i get to catch up on the happenings and go over the next day while i shovel dinner in before bed. It isn't ideal but it is the best way to still be able to raise our kids-the two of us- and have a little extra income.

The church we attend now has two yearly "dedication services" and the coming sat/sun is one of them. We chose the Saturday service because it seems to be much easier to get there on time lol i will post pics afterwards.

I am so grateful for Gods timing in providing me with these jobs, and for helping Joel with this transition. As crazy as the holiday season will be in think in the end it will be totally worth it. So please continue to pray for us and those close to us that are emotionally contributing to our survival right now. My parents and My other parents(J's Parents) although they were worried about the toll of my working on top of Joel's crazy schedule, are being amazingly supportive. 

IN-hale. I think that is all i have to update for now. This was kind of a hodge podge post with no great plays on words, or in depth spiritual reference. God is the ONLY reason i have ANYTHING. He is the only one that could have orchestrated such perfect craziness in my life. There is no way we could have survived the last two weeks with smiles and laughter if He hadn't carried us thru. So I close with this amazing truth. HE is IT. He is ALL. Period.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Throw your hands UP

and say WEEEEEEEEEEE!

"Please keep all hands, feet and other objects inside vehicle at all times"

"if you have a heart problem or might be pregnant, you may not ride for your safety"

I. LOVE. ROLLERCOASTERS.

Joel and i rode the worlds fastest coaster in Abu Dabi earlier this year, and Awesome doesn't even describe it. Breath taking comes closer but the weight of the 1G thrust on my chest was just... well... undescribable.

That being said we have been on a different sorty of roller coaster this week.

I went back to work this week for the first time in almost 2 years. Before that i worked two days a week at the MDO my kids attended so i wasn't ever "away" from them and it was at our home church so they were pretty comfortable there anyway. This time however is totally different. A collegue of Joel's asked him "How you ever kept all four kids onyour own?" Lol This was totally valid because the answer before Tuesday was--NO.

Before i had my tubal in November, my dr asked what i would do if all my kids were in a car with Joel that exploded---I laughed and said "my husband doesn't go ANYWHERE with all three kids by himself, so why would he do it with four?"

I worked Tuesday night, wednesday night, and thursday night. Tuesday i had thought about dinner enough to take out meat but that was about it. Due to my interview at what would become my second job, i was really distracted all day. So Joel made dinner, gave the kids a bath, Read the devotions<3, and all the kids were in their beds when i came home. I was really glad my first day was complete and there had not been anything major at my house. Day two... Well i had dinner in the oven, and then kids didn't have a bath but it was because they had read so many books that time got away from him.
Thursday was "McTeacher" night at McDonalds. Preceeds from the sales went to the Primary school, and i just mentioned it to him as an option. HE TOOK THEM-- ALL FOUR OF THEM, while i was at work. He later described it to me as a mad house with kids screaming everywhere. The point here is that he wouldnt have taken them anywhere alone just 4 days ago....and he went to MCDONALDS!

To night we are thinking of going to the local high school football game, which should be interesting even with two parents! This weekend is full of soccer, daddy's few hours of golf before i head to work, small group, a baby dedication class, church.... and orientation at Bath and Body Works. It will be full of excitement and very busy. However because the roll bar has come back and tightly secured me in my seat i am sure i will be fine.

I am sure WE will be fine. I am unable to go eat lunch at Lex's school witht he other kids in tow-- so Daddy went as a surprise today. I wrote a note to her teacher explaining that he would TRY and that i didn't want to disappoint her is he was unable... But Lex SHOUTED his name across the cafeteria! She was more than pleased!

Before we had little ones we both worked two jobs. Granted we never saw each other but we had a healthy communicating relationship because when we DID actually cross paths we talked non-stop just to get it all in. Coming home to sleeping babes means "daddy" and i can crawl in bed and dish about our days--- IT has been really great.

J and I have been on this ride for years now and it never gets boring. There is ALWAYS something new going on and even if my sunglasses fly off to never be seen again, its okay because i know he will patiently stand inthe store for a an hour helping me buy new ones. I am going to sit here and catch my breath from the wild ride we call life... sitting still is okay with the right seat mate.
from lunch at the primary school.. via text

fastest is too fast to photgraph, but this is another one we rode that day

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Employed

I would like to say that this will be beautifully written and well thought out, but i am tired and just want to write a few lines before i crash for tonight.

I turned in 9 applications and got 1 call back.
I interviewed at 1 o'clock and was required to have a second interview with the other manager-- they called and made sure i could interview that very same day.

I tried to get a savings account but can't because i haven't ever had any credit on my own.
Joel is the legal owner of both my suburban and our home-- i need to have some standing in case something happens to him.

To say i am excited about going "back to work" would be a stretch but i am excited because my husband is very proud of me. He is excited about this potential and is game for whatever this means for his role as a father and partner in the home. I cooked dinner and when he got home i darted out the door. When i returned home the table was clean and the dishwasher was running. This may not be a long term situation, but however long it last will be good for us!

Joel just winked at me and said "Thank you for making this happen". I know all of you that are moms understand what i do all day. He however works in a busy, stressful building full of men, so staying home seems much more glamorous! But this will give him some more one on one time with the kids-and more of what i do all day-- and will give me a break. I know a job doesn't sound like a break but it really will be! More importantly I will be contributing to the monthly income. Most importantly My husband is proud of me.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Whoa!

We do a devotion from a great kids & family devotional each night, and I just had to share tonight's. They are dated in the book so i didn't just pick it out at random.


" I know that you have a lot to do today. Instead of just jumping in, I want you to try something different: Wait before you work.

Put aside all the things you have to do and refuse to worry about what time it is. Don't even look at the clock. By waiting with me before you start your day, you are saying that you trust Me to be in complete control.  This simple act of faith is noticed in Heaven--with Joy. And powers of darkness are weakened by your trusting attitude. Then when it is time to start working, I will show you which way to go.

Depend on Me to help you decide what really needs to be done today, so you can save time by doing only the important things. This way, you can do less but get more of the important things done-- by waiting before working."

Taken from JESUS CALLING(365 devotions for kids) written by Sarah Young

italics were written this way not added by me. God is Good.

Atlas...

Rewind ten years to senior english class (no one roll your eyes that i have only been out of high school ten years)... we were reading Greek Mythology. I am confident that although my mom put tabs on the chapters and bought the cliff notes-- I didn't read it. That wasn't my style... i was WAY to cool for that. HAHA

However, now that it is up to me to chose a book... i keep pulling that tabbed golden book of mythical characters out.

I applied for part-time, seasonal jobs today. Several at the mall, Target and a few local places here in my town.

By sun down i was exhausted. Over-whelmed to put it in even clearer words. Planning to go to work at all, part time or not means extensive work and preperation. Making a schedule so strict that anyone can walk in and handle it, writing out what goes in the lunch box, slimming down the night routine to the necessities... and so on.

Joel and I have danced around this every way we know how. He makes an incredible living. God has blessed us in serious ways. We have overcommmited ourselves. Which leads me here.

i would love to take in a an extra child. I hear you all gasping now. Lexi being in school opens up a spot in my house lol. Lorelei has a new "friend"-- she apparently goes many places with her "friend", but joel and i havent met her... she doesnt really exist. Sweet girl is lonely. So an extra kid would be a nice change of pace for her!

Even an after school extra would fill the gap.

I feel a bit like Atlas tonight. Wieght of the world on my shoulders. I want to help my husband loosen the purse strings. i need to be the "constant" in my kids lives.

Ironically Atlas was also known as the god that instructed mankind in astrology, a tool that was used by sailors for navigation. Navigation... direction for their path. Can you feel where this is going?

We chose a verse two weeks ago to learn as a family(Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths) Lexi learned it quickly, because she is excellent with memorization. Lorelei got it just  tonight. Could it be that He was subtley trying to remind me He is in control?

I googled the Atlas referrence to be sure that i recanted the story correctly. While i was looking up a fictional story about "the gods", my GOD yanked on my heart and reminded me He was still here. Really that He had never left. Georgia was all His plan. This house was all God. Yes we have made some smaller decisions without prayfully considering them and that has come back to bite us in the butt; more importantly we have learned from it. Each application i picked up today i stopped and prayed at the door of the store. I am not sure if this is "right". It doesn't feel right, but nothing that is new feels instantly perfect. God however KNOWS what is right. Already. I can faithfully fill out applications and turn them all in and still get no call backs. If that is the case i will have to believe that it wasn't in His plan. I heard my husband pray "for His will in my job situation" for the first time tonight. Neither one of us are good at leaving it to Him. We both would like to see how things are going to improve, and NOW.  He is teaching us.

If you tell God you want to live in Houston forever He moves you to Georgia. SO we have learned not to suggest things to the Master Planner.

The story of Atlas also involves Hercules. We commonly know of Hercules as being almighty and incredibly strong. Well Hercules was on a quest for golden apples, and Atlas knew where they were. So Hercules-The almighty and incredibly strong- took the weight of the world onto his shoulders while Atlas went out and found the LOST apples.

I believe that THE ALMIGHTY AND INCREDIBLY STRONG will soon take the weight of the world from my shoulders and allow me to save the lost. I believe that He has great plans for me that are not confined to monotary value. I Know he wants me to be 110% involved in my kids lives and be the calm at home for my husband. How can this all work?  Does it all fit into one picture? Am I misunderstanding?

Father please show me the fleece.

Then Gideon said to God, “If you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said, 37 behold, I am laying a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew on the fleece alone, and it is dry on all the ground, then I shall know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said.” And it was so. Judges 6:36-38

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Marvelous Grace

Where do I even begin? This has been the fastest, make you wanna vomit and cry at the same time roller coaster i have ever been on.

If i can ever spare a parent this fear i would take all of it for each and every one of them. Fearing for your child's life is somewhere a parent should never be. Then hearing the story evolve each time you tell it, changing as it emerges from the nurses floor to floor...

At one point my child had been swimming while i was inside my house.

So here it is. What really happened.

Joel, the kids and I were swimming in our neighborhood pool, and had been there about 45 minutes. A friend (that moved here from Houston with us as well) and his son were swimming with us. Luke had declared he was done swimming so he was sitting on the side with Joel.  Logan began to stir so Joel sat on the top step of the pool with Logan and they were splashing away. Mr mischief wandered down to the deep end, where i met him and reprimanded him for wandering around the pool with no swim arms on. Mad at me, he wandered back to where Joel was sitting and i went back to playing with the girls. My sweet husband remembers about 15 minutes that he was playing with Logan in the water before Luke fell. So somewhere after Joel got Logan out of his seat, after i fought with Luke at the deep end and he wandered back to Joel then did he slip into the pool. He was under maybe a minute before i got to him. I don't know if he fell, or if he was on the steps and slipped. There were THREE adults in the pool. All of us constantly doing a head count.

I pulled him out and shook him around a bit to rouse him, and then Joel and i traded because Luke was so heavy. Water erupted from him followed by some mucus. While laying on Joel's lap horizontally, Luke threw up again... more water at the same projectile force. Limp, and lifeless is what came next. Fear then took a hold of us both. He and I are both CPR certified, we knew the water needed to come out... now what. Luke was very sleepy and couldn't really communicate. I remembered that head injuries couldn't sleep... did he have a head injury? Had he hit his head before he fell in? I didn't know... panic... Panic quickly followed Fear.

We live quite a ways off the beaten path so going to the hospital was a long drive so the fire station was the quickest way to get help. It is a tiny volunteer fire station but either way we hoped they knew more about where we stood. Turns out there weren't many guys on duty, but 1 Paramedic and The ambulance driver. Assuming the worst with out asking us many questions and thru us into the bus and we were off. Well we left after the driver smoked a cigarette and we roused the paramedic. Joel was slightly ticked. Having never ridden in an ambulance before- at least never remembering a ride- it was crazy for me. We were going way to fast than what felt safe and watching him stick my baby a second time in a effort to get an iv was less than pleasant. However, my sweet red head screeched in pain. It was a beautiful sound. He sounded like he had life. He sounded like he had fight!

Arriving at the hospital they assessed him and we settled in for what seemed like the long hall. Patiently telling me what was up ahead, and what to watch for... they prepared us it would get worse before it got better.  This included jumps and random muscle spasms, and screaming melt downs as his nerves "cooled", and the adrenaline passed.

Moving to ICU was bittersweet because only two of us were allowed in the room and our dear sweet "small group family" went home. They were such a blessing. Dinner, toiletries for our overnight stay, snacks AND COKE! Words can't explain how grateful we were for them... well how grateful we still are for them.

Meanwhile back at my house Brent had held down the fort while a small group couple with a 6 yr old whisked the girls away to play barbies, my mom was en route and then later packing us an over night bag, random people popping in to gather items like wallets, shot records, and phone chargers while they headed to the hospital.

ICU was uneventful. Passing the kids there tat waited at deaths door made me so glad we had a spry red head still in our midst. I praised HIM in the quiet. The ICU rules say that only one parent can stay over night, so at 10:30 the nurse walks quickly into our room and says i hate to do this but... LET'S MOVE! She had scored u a room upstairs with a parent bed and rules allowing us to both to stay by our sweet boy.

the night was sleepless but peaceful. Each time Luke stirred something beeped or blared or flashed. Joel slept the first shift and i did the second. I had downed at least three cokes by then so i was pretty hot, sleep wasn't next on my list any way.

We were discharged this morning about 11:30. It was a great relief.

I received 267 facebook notification emails and over 100 text messages in the first 5 hours I was in the hospital. Being on new meds crying is hard for me. I wanted it yesterday as a release and you guys brought down the water works. I read each of your individual comments, wall posts and even the "status" posts on our behalf. I wept in the night as i read you uplifting words. From "a hero mom friend of mine" to "you are super woman" to "Jesus is rocking you all". Your words- given to you by the Father i am confident- reminded me of who was in control.

He didn't want me sweet boy to fall, but He knew it would happen. Brent was supposed to be at he pool with us. My small group leader was supposed to be at church in a meeting with pastoral staff and prayer warriors (70+ that stopped and prayed RIGHT THEN), my ped's nurse picking up a shift in the PICU... so on and so on. If i listed every way that i saw GOD yesterday this post would end. Because HE NEVER CEASES TO SHOW UP... IN BIG WAYS.

I received a special visit from a nurse friend "with special privileges" :), and a friend stopped by today to check in on us. Dinner offers came out of the woodwork and people i didn't even know prayed for my precious Luke. I don't have enough vocabulary to fully express my gratitude. i would hug each of your necks. I will lift you up in prayer for ever, some of you never knowing your names. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


"Grace, Grace, God's Grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, Grace Gods grace, Grace that is greater than all my sin

Sin and despair like the arctic cold threaten the soul with permanent loss, but Grace that is greater
 Yes grace untold
points to my refuge, that mighty cross

Grace grace God's grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace God's grace grace that is greater than all my sin"

God's Grace

It is by God's Grace alone that my grouchy, mischievous red head escaped that terror yesterday. Thank you for crying out to the Mighty Healer with me. You are my friends, my prayers partners and the encourager's thru my journey. Thank you for walking with me. Thank you for praying with me. Thank you for lifting us up. Thank you for encouraging me as i strive to be a better mom and be more like Him.

Grace. Remember He loves you. Remember He gives us grace.



Tuesday, August 16, 2011

such strong words

"I HATE MORNINGS"

" SUNRISE? WHATS THAT?" ( i bought a a candle from Yankee Candle that smells like early sunrise :)

Did your mom ever tell you that "hate" was a strong word?

If you know anything about me, you know that I am not frequently up before 9.

Then enter school. We get up (Joel, me and Logan) about 6:30. Yep, that's right i said i get out of my bed at 6:30! I have also grown to LOVE it! I get a few minutes with my husband that we can run thru the day-after he has showered and becomes coherent- and he talks to the baby(who is in the excer saucer in the bathroom) while he showers. Typically i can over hear their "conversation" while i am in the kitchen making Lexi's lunch. Then he quietly tip-toes upstairs to wake sleeping beauty up and brings her down to get dressed.

Laying on the couch are four outfits. Eight shoes sit neatly with socks tucked in side beside the couch, ready for our early day. A hot pink mesh back pack hangs packed by the back door ready to go.

Enjoying the alarm clock sounding? Well i wont go that far but i have recently been awakened earlier than the alarm. The best sound I hear all day? My two girls learning our weekly bible verse and praying for each other on the way to school.

This week we are learning "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

I learned that as a child so i may have combined a few versions in my head. Either way it is something now stored in the precious hearts of my children. Would i have pictured my self a stay at home mom, driving to school every morning? Not really. I wanted to have a career, and wear heels everyday. God had different plans. Different. Very talkative. Energetic. Even a red-head. Plans.

Hate is a strong word. I always claimed to hate mornings, but i hadn't really ever been consistent enough with trying them to know.

Trusting Him with all my heart and leaning not on my understanding? Well it isn't wearing a suit and carrying a pretty brief case. Seems Trusting Him with all my heart has led me to place i would have chosen. The growth we have experienced as a family in the last nine days has been more than I could have ever understood. So now i want to publicly Acknowledge Him and give Him all the glory for the amazing things He has done in our lives.

Avid GPS user is laughingly what I am. Getting lost is what i do. But somehow no matter how far i would wander on my own... He shall direct my paths.

Now those are strong words.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Readiness?

I have taught in a preschool setting, and even had a few Chinese fire drills in my day. That considered when there was a risk of a tornado hitting my city i had nothing! We recently had a water system installed in our counter-top so we drink from there-- eliminating the need for bottled water. Batteries are what i see as a source of power to really annoying toys. So we have what we need for remote controls and that's about it. Heck i was just told that my car battery has corrosion for goodness sake! My family of six rarely leaves left overs, so we don't exactly have food just hanging out either.

Joel and I had to quickly go over where we would go if a tornado actually hit and instructed the kids not to ask question , just to go! Which, you know, opened up the door to ask a billion questions! Drama queen melted down, Sister insisted on bossing everyone around about what they were allowed to bring to the special spot, and bubba... he just refused to move-- anywhere. He protested that he needed to be in the rain playing!

After this lovely-thankfully short lived- adventure it occurs to me that we need to have a plan in place for all the possible disaster situations. So i guess that is my task for tomorrow?

Nope because half way thru this blog my before mentioned "spiderman like son" tripped and fell down the bunk bed stairs. You know the bunk bed that has stairs instead of a ladder because its safer. Sigh he has a good black eye and some bumps and bruises else wear. So tomorrow i watch a boy for signs of a concussion.... disaster plans will have to wait just one more day....

just a commical photo from today to share :)
he WAS wearing underwear....

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Powerful

I want to share a song with you. This is " Fall Apart" by Josh Wilson
Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good?
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give you praise
Now it all seems upside down

'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel you now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
But somehow still have all I need?
God I want to know you more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find you when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
They've got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to you
And it all seems upside down

'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel you now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
But somehow still have all I need?
God I want to know you more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find you when I fall apart

I don't know how long this will last
I'm praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that has ever happened to me

'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel you now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
But somehow still have all I need?
God I want to know you more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find you when--
You will find me when--
I fall apart


Just so you know this font is "Georgia"

I also want to share with you how this week has been personally. Yesterday i told you about kindergarten, and really it is probably a blessing to be distracted. My cousin Stephanie sent me this song yesterday on my way home from dropping lex off. Being kid-less I blared it all the way home! It fits me to a T right now.

I was so plugged in that i was almost lost in my "service" before i moved here. Serving is such a blessing to me that i would volunteer for EVERYTHING that i could, because i enjoyed every minute of it. Sometimes after being home all day with my kids i looked forward to the meetings, or the rehearsals.... but i was ignoring my husband. If we "hung out" on the weekends it was with groups of friends that had kids the age of our kids. Again that is something i loved so i never saw the down fall.

My friends and Bible study gals almost knew more about me than the person that vowed to spend the rest of his life with me. So submersed in what i thought being a christian was that i lost sight of exactly where i stood with my Father. Through the Bible studies I learned tons of Bible knowledge and leading kids worship put me in the word in a way i had never experienced -- you wanna be able to answer any question they throw atcha!

But I wasn't waking up craving His words. My desire wasn't to just sit and soak Him in. I didn't know that my husband was craving this Awesome Bible knowledge i was learning--- i was completely lost. I was lost in what i thought was the best spiritual place i had ever been.

Moving here and screaming at God night after night and month after month has shown me that i am now Closer to HIM than i have ever been. Not having any close friends here has brought me back to being best friends with the one God gave me to spend my life with. God never promised life would be easy, and He most certainly didn't promise that every step of it would be "happy".

 Heb 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.


He hasn't left me and in my wallowing the last 18 months i have learned more about His faithfulness than i could have imagined. Three weeks ago i was giving the opportunity to M. C. VBS at my home church. During two nights specifically, i was over come with the spirit. I was supposed to be there speaking His words... because they were meant for me. Hearing others say it, it's always easier to dismiss because "they don't know where i am ". Saying it to kids, with a passion from Christ, makes it a whole lot harder to blow off.

God is watching me. The way He watched Jonah and knew when the whale would spit him out. Where did the whale spit him out? Right where God wanted him. God was in control the whole time.

Today i sit in a different place. A place i reached by going home and trying to get lost in what used to be. You know what? What used to be isn't anymore. Relationships are different and life has moved on. Thankfully I am still lovingly embraced each time i "go home" and it will always be that way because of incredible Godly people He put in my path. They each hold a special place in my heart. Every summer will have a camp week and if it works out a VBS...

but my life continues HERE...








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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I WILL SURVIVE!

I have survived the first day of Kindergarten!

Several posts ago I was really not sure how i would handle this big day, and was not not quite sure i wanted Lexi in public school at all. After a month on the road and seeing friends that she misses terribly, she was longing for this day. Openly requesting friends--- I longed for this day with her.

My mom drove up last night, so that Joel and I could take Lexi to school all by herself. She was as excited about one on one time with us as she was about going to school. IN my house riding in daddy's car is rare. For obvious reasons the kids are almost never in the Honda-- so her request this morning was to ride in daddy's car to school. Beaming with pride because his car is "fast and cool", he strapped her in and off we went.

Walking down the hall in her purple top, denim leggings and silver sequined belt with coordinating silver shoes, she clung to our hands. Outgoing is almost an understatement for Lex-- but today she was plum stone faced. Entering the classroom was uncomfortable and tough. She hugged me and then daddy... enter water works. I didn't shed a tear, but that "daddy hug" got to her. The teacher assured us it would be short lived and so we left knowing she would be fine.

I asked Joel if he wanted to take me to breakfast and he laughed and said all i have time for is McDonald's! So i excitedly agreed to a kid free breakfast with my hunny!

Mom and I caught up on some things around the house and then the time came to pick up big sister from school. Luke wandered around several times saying "less less cool?" it was neat to me to see that he missed her. Lorelei was a totally different child today. The element of competition was eliminated and she really enjoyed stepping into the big sister role.

Climbing into the car Lexi could stop chattering. Telling us all about each thing. Rest time, lunch, what she ate at snack, and so on and so on.  As the evening progresses more details emerged but all in all i think she loved every minute!

first time I held her

first day of Kindergarten

Tomorrows carefully planned ensemble has been laid out complete with tennis shoes for PE! I will drop her off curbside and that will be a little more nervous for mommy but one day at a time! A friend told me today "don't cry because its over, smile because it happened". So today i celebrate the five years at home i had with my Lexi girl and and look forward to the journey we will share together thru her school years.

Father thank you for my beautiful daughter. Thank you for sharing her with me during her time here and trusting me to teach her about you. Please teach me to trust you thru her each day and watch over her as she goes to school each day. In your AWESOME name i pray-- Amen

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Things that make like simpler, well as simple as life with four toddlers can be!

I have decided to put together a list of some of the things that help me to survive with my four little ones. In my recent travels some moms have said "I can't believe you take all your kids with you, everywhere!" or "you are super mom" and " I just don't know how you do it"

Well rule number one is don't fear it-- plan for it! I frequently get teased about the GIANT bag i carry. This is a MUST. I have cars, diapers, wipes, make-up bag with various meds/thermometer,extra panties for the girls, changes of clothes for the boys, snacks for me and the kids.... and the list goes on. I think some of you would prefer to carry a minimally stocked diaper bag just for the sake of not breaking your back. But if i get somewhere without it, I am going to wish i had it! My darling husband even order clips from "J.J. Cole" to attach my bag to my stroller in a more accessible way. They were only $15 and offer a great solution to digging in the bottom of a stroller and not being able to focus on your kids at the same time.So remember ITS ALL IN THE BAG!

Number two might scare some of you off, but hear me out. Sometimes if it cost more than we originally budgeted we deem it unnecessary. However with four little ones as close together as i had them, i needed some convenience helpers. We shopped for months for our stroller and it was seriously the best money we have ever spent. My first double was great- it survived our Disney trip- and was a great asset when the girls were little. I LEARNED A LOT FROM IT! things like when you go stroller shopping take a large diaper bag with you, even if you have to borrow one from a friend or take your biggest purse. "Basket space" is a huge factor! Most strollers add a disclaimer that warns against bags on the handles, this is for risk of flipping your stroller--- this WILL happen! most of the high end strollers are weighted but mine still flips. We did spend more on a stroller than we would have even considered, but mine can with the attachments accommodate ALL of my kids, so we decided since i am a lone ranger often that it was worth it for the safety of our kids.

Number three: Don't be afraid of returning things. I just mentioned two of the most used mommy essentials, and if you take these things home shove all your stuff in that bag and hate it, TAKE IT BACK! it doesn't matter if you have looked at it online for two months while you were waiting for the price to go down, if it doesn't work for you, you don't need it! I have gone thru several bags before i found the one i LOVE. I won't tell you how many because i kinda have a bag weakness, but this is one of those things that falls under the spending where it counts factor. And strollers can be returned if they haven't hit pavement! If you walk a mall with a new stroller, chances are that it won't show wear and tear too bad. So load up or borrow a friends kid for a day and test that sucker out! I am always amazed at how different a stroller feels with an infant in it than with a toddler-- these are things the manufactures don't want you to consider!

There is a great website called babygizmo.com where a mom of three kids orders every baby gadget on the market and reviews it on tape. She does things like the diaper bag fitting, kids of different ages/weights in a stroller and even reviews high chairs. it is a great blessing if you live in a smaller town like i do as far as your shopping options.

I NEVER PACK LIGHT! Rule number four: if it fits in your car-take it. I have been hassled about the "drawers" in the back of my suburban. Well in them i  have an extra car seat cover( vomit never smells good baked in a car for eight hours), socks (for when you get to the jumpy place in flip-flops), spare outfits for the girls (my bag is only so big), a spare shirt for me etc. I think some of you might be freaking out now but seriously if you don't have it you will wish you did. I recently invested in a Fridge for me car. It is a coleman cooler that plugs into the cigarette lighter jack- i have one in the trunk so if works nicely- and it has made traveling much easier. You can then opt for a rest stop with a park and pb&j to save a little money. Capri suns and a sandwich sound pretty good after three hours in a car-- this way you can spend the time you allotted for eating running in the grass at the rest stop... you know with the soccer ball you always have in your car :)

Rule number 5: always build in extra time. If you know me well, ok if you know anything about me you know i am LATE. I can't blame that on my kids because i was late before kids too. But if i have to be somewhere like a dr that i will lose my appt

Okay these are my first five. It is midnight and all my kids are sleeping so i should be too, so i will post more later. In the mean time, tell me your tricks and little secrets that help you survive in the hectic life of being a mommy!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", even one handed with a baby on my hip! Phil 4:13

sneak peak

while we were in Austin my Cousin Stephanie took some great photos of my kiddos. I have one in a file form to share today soon i hope to post more! Here you go!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Grateful Hearts

MY kids can easily be defined as not wanting for much. Maybe even spoiled. Some might put me into that same category. I will sheepishly admit that my husband, dad, big sister, mom and my in-laws all provide my hearts desires regularly. That brings me here. I HAVE really everything a 26 year old broad could ask for. Why am i still sad?

Well after a jam packed, adventure filled 4 weeks in Texas i can answer that. Although i am on some medicine to help i truly believe being surrounded by my support system is a huge factor. People have begged to spend time with my kids these few weeks-- i love that. My mom is a huge help in Savannah and my dad and sister have both taken week-long shifts this year to help me as well. I am truly grateful for all of those times, but its the grocery trips, and quick errands that are made easier as 1 person rather than five that I relish. I will miss you all more than words can explain.

There have been three specific occasions that i was allowed to sleep in while someone else cared for my kiddos, I got almost a whole day with a grown-up-girlfriend (by default as we headed back to trinity pines) but we talked and had actual CONVERSATION! My tank is beyond full. Might even be sloshing over the top :) There are several that i wish i had been able to spend more time with, but it seems like that is always the case. No matter how long i am here i wish i could stay longer.

School supplies are purchased, new tennis shoes and soon a "first day of school" outfit will be carefully assembled. It is time to head home-- back to reality. I am reminded how much my life will soon change. Encouraged about meeting other young moms through the kinder programs; I pray that this is the case and that this new chapter brings a welcome "world change". Excitedly Lexi and read books about her first day at the book store and with a heavy heart I anticipate so many fun times while watching her grow this year.

The washer and dryer run quietly in the background as I begin to pack for my journey home. We carry with us memories in the capital city, VBS at our "home" church, an AWESOME week at kids camp, and lots of individual moments with great friends. Texas our Texas you will forever hold our hearts. Joel commented several times about how nice it was to come "Home" for a few days. No matter where we live or however long we reside in another state this will ALWAYS be home.

On my list to purchase today is a Texas Flag, But at the moment Georgia is on my mind....

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Titleless

i am sitting in the quiet of my cousin's house. its two am and everyone else is sleeping. yet here i sit... well wallowing.

i clearly have issues but now is the time to sort thru them, ask God to walk with me thru them and to lead me out of this hole i sit so comfortably in these days. I am on the medicine that is supposed to "help" and haven't given it a fair chance yet so we will still see how that pans out. I still can't seem to figure out why being here makes me happy.

Well lets sort thru a few of the obvious.

Comfort Zone: Clearly these people know me as i am. lol and they tell me they love me as is-- haha not sure why but they stand firm in this decision. In Austin and in Houston there are people that have loved me through the roughest of times in my life leading to this one, and still remain steadfast my support system. I long for them now. Being able to have a quick last minute lunch with a friend or plan an impromptu dinner with the whole clan fills me to my brim. Hearing the constant words of encouragement and feeling like "all hands are on deck" helping me with my kids. It makes me feel wanted and normal.

Easy: Moving is never easy. Moving as an adult is a whole new ball game. As a child you are thrown into a school, whether you like it or not, and have to form relationships just because of who has the locker under you. Adults who work can sometimes fall into this category simply because you have to acknowledge the person that shares your cubical or "borrows" pens and never returns them. A stay at home mom however, misses all of these opportunities. There are great organizations that you can be a part of, don't get me wrong, but making a deep connection with someone while toddlers talk over you is far from easy. These-my insiders- are established, solid friendships-- that started in early parenting stages or even before... when i was a person first and a mommy only in my dreams.

Alone: i struggle not being able to be with people that lift me up daily. I need the words of affirmation from my fellow women. I quickly said tonight that "i have four children it takes a lot to get on my nerves.... well unless you are one of those children-- it only takes them 4 seconds" I need to be reassured that this is an OK feeling. I have been away from my kids for a week and no lie on the way home from picking them up they drove me BONKERS! I crave the candid responses from those walking in my shoes. I am in mops-- it helps-- but i want my people back. I know it is terribly selfish of me.

I also understand that the outlook i give for others to follow Gods plan is not good. I believe that God wanted us in Savannah for this season. I believe that i have a great deal of self discovery to do on this journey. I also believe that career wise for Joel this move was a must. But i do not believe that "cutting ties" and building a new foundation is for me. I am all for making new friends and starting new relationships, but what sustains me is the encouragement i get from the people that i don't have to spell it out too. The folks that know from just my silence in a car ride that something isn't right.

I had the pleasure of spending a week at camp this week with an amazing crew of staff, councilors, and campers. There are a good many of us that return year after year to enjoy the amazing kids, hungry for Christ, and i love getting to see each of them. they openly spoke about a noticeable change in me. Where in the darkness did i lose who i have been? I typically come away from this week in an indescribable place. this week i did a lot of reflection, and spent a good bit of time in prayer. watching the girls interact with pals- that end up being lifelong friends remind me that it is OK to be lonely for my friends. it is OK to cry out to my Father for help. He wants me to ask him what is next and how to claw my way out of my hole. He wants me to be confident in who has made me to be and the purpose he has given me.

These are all things i know and have known since i was little. But believing in yourself isn't something that is taught--no matter what the infomercials say. It is something you can feel, and slowly embrace. The greatest thing is knowing that even in the darkness tonight while i sit all alone, He is here. Stroking my hair, choosing my thoughts, guarding my heart...embracing me.

Song of Soloman 8:3 "His left arm is under my head and His right arm embraces me"

Psalm 16:11 "You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."



Isaiah 51:11 ... "Gladness and Joy will overtake them and sorrow and sighing will flee away"


completing the ropes course was amazing. it encouraged me as much as it encouraged the young girls that did it with me. Remembering to praise Him for the small joys.