boys boys boys

You have undoubtedly heard some one call a young man a "mamma's boy", and i have a red head that is absolutely nothing but that. Logan isn't quite big enough to have declared his preference as clearly... time will tell. Doesn't this upset my husband you say? um, NO! Why? because in the dictionary mamma's boy is defined:

Mamma's boy: noun, Joel White, Joshua White, Jordan White

Lol both of Joel's parents worked when he was growing up but there was a closeness between those boys and their mom. She worked hard to insure they have a bond like no other. However when we married, the amazing women they call mom made it clear to Joel that his choices now had to focus on me and our children.

I have seen many marriages struggle due to conflict with in-law relationships. There are even moms of boys who feel like their son has been "stolen" by the new wife. As women we are called to be nurturing, and encourage the next generation of women. Sadly that isn't how it turns out--- at all.

Joel and I -- well we married at the J.P. on a Monday morning and called our parents afterwards. We had been dating 3 years and we felt we were ready. Our parents were concerned because we were young and had asked us to wait. Clearly we didn't.

December 15th we tied the knot and called his parents as we drove away from the courthouse. His mother was quiet but didn't say anything that could have ruined the moment. Ten days later when we arrived at his parents for Christmas, there was a stocking for me and gifts that were newly married necessities. In what seemed like no time at all she made sure I felt welcome on my first Christmas as a "White". Seven months after we were married we discovered that i was pregnant. As soon "mom" found out we were expecting she ran and got a yellow layette and had it shipped. By the time it arrived, we had miscarried. She mourned with us, cautiously waited thru the first trimester of my pregnancy with Lexi and celebrated when we were in the clear. My mother- in- law was open about her concerns each time we added another mouth to feed, but always celebrated each one with us and has even fed those mouths quite a bit.

I have recently had conversations with girlfriends that are close to me that have been told "they aren't family", "they aren't the choice the parents had hoped for", or "we worry about your marriage to my son". I have tried to excuse myself from conversations or moments that i felt were sacred for just "the family" and have always been reminded that i AM part of this family!

As a mom to one or maybe two mamma's boys, I vow to now make a choice to teach my boys(and girls) about the values to look for in a mate. That they aren't just marrying the boy/girl- they are marrying the WHOLE family. I pray that i will be a strong guide and offer answers to any questions about there relationships. I hope that i will encourage them to date looking for a mate not just shopping around. I firmly believe a boy that can cook is a welcome addition and makes a young man stand out, too!(thanks mom :)

In short i will strive to be positive and receptive of my children's choices because i have prayed that God will place their, hand-picked by Him, spouses into their lives. And the He will give me the grace to let them "cleave" to their spouses as He intended.

For all of you that struggle in these relationships, i will leave you with this. My parents struggled with their "in-law issues" for 20 years. I am not saying that that is the only factor in their split but parental support can make a BIG difference in a marriage. But for the love of your spouse and respect for your commitment, you have to make this relationship work.  No one should have to chose between their parents and their spouse. That isn't good for any of you! I pray for resolve on both parts.

To you for whom this post was written... I pray for you daily, sometimes hourly. Marriage is forever and i hope that peace will fill your relationship and His comfort will heal your wounds. I LOVE YOU