Teach me your ways, OH LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I will fear your name.

Psalm 86:11

I will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair is white in age. I made you, and I will care for you. I willI will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair carry you along and save you.

Isaiah 46:4




Blessed is the man whose quiver is full.... Psalm 127:5


Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.


Proverbs 3:5-6




Thursday, October 27, 2011

big Yawn and STREEETCHHHHH

There are so many things going on that i would love to rant about today but i can't. Don't worry however when i have cleared all of the red tape i will share all of it.

For now, I want to tell you the latest mini-drama with my kids. It is common knowledge that i DON'T DO MORNINGS well. You might not have known that my kids are programmed that way as well-- have no idea who did that lol! School starting has been really hard on all of us. It includes tears at bed time, sometimes stern warnings for wandering around up stairs, and HUGE meltdown in the mornings--every morning.

Going back to work didn't necessarily help any of that either. I am more tired, and have less time to get ready for the next day after i come home from work. Picking up a job on Tuesday and Thursday mornings doing childcare take me out of the house two more days too. All of this leads me to the issue.

I got a note from Lexi's school that she had 8 tardies. The above passage never stated that I haven't been late once or twice but EIGHT times?! So i inquired to the teacher and find out that what i understood to be on time and the school's definition of on time are different. If i drop her off in the car pool line (with 50 cars still behind me) but the time is after 8:25 i assumed she was still on-time because teachers were still out there opening doors. This is not the case. When she entered the building she was handed a tardy slip-- in the building out of my line of sight. Since she didn't know the slips were bad she never told me about them.

So last night before work i prepacked as much of her lunch as i could, neatly placed the infamous labeled ziploc bags out on the coffee table and placed shoes next to them. Checked Lexi's Folder signing this and proudly scanning the day's work. Put this weeks sight words by Joel's place at the table and threw dinner in the oven. I felt like i had it all together. So as soon as Joel left i zoomed to work.

Upon arriving home i find only one Ziploc bag still on the table. Shoes scattered on the floor and my husband apparently not understanding the importance of the bags and their careful placement, baffled as to why i am so frustrated. Let me say it was Lexi's bag that was still on the table, Little diva isn't going to stand by and let her outfit be messed with! Lorelei however had hers in the tightest clasp a little hand can have while sleeping in her bed. Luke's? I searched and searched and searched. Then Joel and i were tearing apart the house looking for the bag that Luke had also stuffed his jacket inside.

At 11:30pm, the night before i was starting a new morning routine with my kids, it occurs to me that after i laid out the bags they went out to play. Did he take his bag that had his now stuffed jacket in it, out with him? Joel pleads with me, telling my that is ridiculous! Why would he take it outside? Its late, Nickie, he says pick out something else-- find it tomorrow. I quickly slide on some flip flops and carefully walk outside hoping not to meet any critters. There as if covered in gold was the Ziploc bag. In the tree house-- only the most logical place for a little boy to store one days worth of clothes, shoes and a jacket! hahaha Joel and i laughed and laughed as we talked about how much of a stinker he was.

As we moved him from our bed- where he fell asleep watching TV-- we thought about how many more "adventures" he will go on that will leaving us looking for one Ziploc bag full of yesterday.

They are growing so fast and starting school seems to have grown the two in the middle too. Thankfully we arrived this morning at 8:07, and did the happy dance as we confirmed our timeliness! Heading to our morning job Lorelei and Luke both yawned and griped about being sleepy.... But watching them nap together today reminds me that they are still my babies although bigger each moment.

Babies, as i watch you grow, i relish in each accomplishment. I am so very proud of each of you! Watching you smile, brings more joy than comprehensible. Each moment -even the tense ones- are ones i will remember. I love you more than words can describe and i hope one day that when you read these blogs you will understand that although we were busy i tried to write down (or type as the case turns out to be) as much as i can. I love you--mommy

Friday, October 14, 2011

boys boys boys

You have undoubtedly heard some one call a young man a "mamma's boy", and i have a red head that is absolutely nothing but that. Logan isn't quite big enough to have declared his preference as clearly... time will tell. Doesn't this upset my husband you say? um, NO! Why? because in the dictionary mamma's boy is defined:

Mamma's boy: noun, Joel White, Joshua White, Jordan White

Lol both of Joel's parents worked when he was growing up but there was a closeness between those boys and their mom. She worked hard to insure they have a bond like no other. However when we married, the amazing women they call mom made it clear to Joel that his choices now had to focus on me and our children.

I have seen many marriages struggle due to conflict with in-law relationships. There are even moms of boys who feel like their son has been "stolen" by the new wife. As women we are called to be nurturing, and encourage the next generation of women. Sadly that isn't how it turns out--- at all.

Joel and I -- well we married at the J.P. on a Monday morning and called our parents afterwards. We had been dating 3 years and we felt we were ready. Our parents were concerned because we were young and had asked us to wait. Clearly we didn't.

December 15th we tied the knot and called his parents as we drove away from the courthouse. His mother was quiet but didn't say anything that could have ruined the moment. Ten days later when we arrived at his parents for Christmas, there was a stocking for me and gifts that were newly married necessities. In what seemed like no time at all she made sure I felt welcome on my first Christmas as a "White". Seven months after we were married we discovered that i was pregnant. As soon "mom" found out we were expecting she ran and got a yellow layette and had it shipped. By the time it arrived, we had miscarried. She mourned with us, cautiously waited thru the first trimester of my pregnancy with Lexi and celebrated when we were in the clear. My mother- in- law was open about her concerns each time we added another mouth to feed, but always celebrated each one with us and has even fed those mouths quite a bit.

I have recently had conversations with girlfriends that are close to me that have been told "they aren't family", "they aren't the choice the parents had hoped for", or "we worry about your marriage to my son". I have tried to excuse myself from conversations or moments that i felt were sacred for just "the family" and have always been reminded that i AM part of this family!

As a mom to one or maybe two mamma's boys, I vow to now make a choice to teach my boys(and girls) about the values to look for in a mate. That they aren't just marrying the boy/girl- they are marrying the WHOLE family. I pray that i will be a strong guide and offer answers to any questions about there relationships. I hope that i will encourage them to date looking for a mate not just shopping around. I firmly believe a boy that can cook is a welcome addition and makes a young man stand out, too!(thanks mom :)

In short i will strive to be positive and receptive of my children's choices because i have prayed that God will place their, hand-picked by Him, spouses into their lives. And the He will give me the grace to let them "cleave" to their spouses as He intended.

For all of you that struggle in these relationships, i will leave you with this. My parents struggled with their "in-law issues" for 20 years. I am not saying that that is the only factor in their split but parental support can make a BIG difference in a marriage. But for the love of your spouse and respect for your commitment, you have to make this relationship work.  No one should have to chose between their parents and their spouse. That isn't good for any of you! I pray for resolve on both parts.

To you for whom this post was written... I pray for you daily, sometimes hourly. Marriage is forever and i hope that peace will fill your relationship and His comfort will heal your wounds. I LOVE YOU

Friday, October 7, 2011

lessons learned don't come cheap

" on my way home" I texted Joel, while i drove a stick shift speeding down the rd.

I know i know texting and driving is BAD. REALLY BAD. But i do it sometimes. Between Joel and I we have a great big extended family. His is mostly west coast and mine is mostly in THE GREAT STATE but either way its BIG. We lost a member this week just on the cusp of burying another. One we knew really well and shared great memories with-even had a child born on his birthday and another carrying his name- and the other after 11 years in the white family i hadn't even heard about. A cousin that i didn't even know existed.

As i work these next few months i want to make sure that the moments i have are marked by pride and and accomplishment. Both with my children and on the financial goals we have set as a couple. Most of you know the ups and downs i have struggled with recently and i have to confess that having a little part time job - or three as it turns out- has made me feel so alive. Life for me is kind of like a triathlon, or whatever a more complicated race would be called. It is always moving faster than i am, yet i need to be one step ahead.

Some where in all of that, life had become absorbed in things that maybe didn't matter as much. Now we all look forward to the 9 am soccer practice that we go to as a family, or a walk in the amazing fall weather. I am definitely cherishing each second. I miss my children terribly. Like indescribably. I worry that i am missing things and i call Joel almost every night from work with things that i forgot to tell him need to be done that night. We are learning, we are endeavoring upon life one step at a time together, as a team.

The coolest part is watching the kids step up and want to be an active part in the success of it all. We have explained to Lexi why i went to work, and what the long term benefits include. To be five she has a very mature grasp on money. Yes, some might say she is spoiled and i won't deny that, but she is also at a very pivotal point where she is learning that things have to be earned. Helping her to understand more and more about responsibility. She did the happy dance right along with us when i got my first pay check.

I try to make lists for Joel about what the night needs to hold, and i go over the lists with the girls so they can help him remember it all. Well my girls -the boss and the mother hen-- handle this maybe a little too well. They very much enjoy having an idea about what is needed to be accomplished and having the pride of knowing the next morning that they can report back a job complete. Are things around the house getting missed-- absolutely. But very important life lessons are being learned, by all of us.

Joel and i set aside time each night after i get home- which is later than he used to even be awake- to talk about our days, what took place in the evening while i was away and what the happenings for the next day will be. We have even chatted with his parents over seas almost every night, because we are up late enough to skype them first thing in their morning( we are eight hours behind them).

i am exhausted. Purely spent. Four children didn't exactly leave me rested though. If anything i am more careful with each moment now than i was before. I can probably hear a beautiful song written by my daughter or urge my son to sit on the potty just a little longer while i do the dishes. Maybe even teach a colors lesson while i do the laundry. Absolutely delight in the light in Lexi's eyes when she nails her sight words packet for this week... you know the ones she and her daddy have been drilling at night :)

There were plenty of moments that i just handled because i was the mommy and it was my job. Teaching my kids to depend on their daddy has been the most important lesson in all of this. He is just as capable. He might not know where your purple socks with tinkerbell are, but he will help you find them even if it means crawling under your bed because you are so sure they are there!

IN the end, when it is my time to go be with my sweet Savior, i want to have no regrets. Being sure that my children feel loved, have an active relationship with Christ and know my marriage was a real example of what God intended is what i want to leave behind. I want there to be no question about who i was or what i stood for. I too want grandchildren who bear my name with honor.

I am grateful for God's never ending provision for us and the lessons he teaches us along the way. More so i am in awe of how he is teaching all six of us together, bringing us closer with each day. My sweet Logan even knows when I lay him down at night to snuggle right down to sleep... Gods perfect engineering. We tease about Luke being a future engineer, if I can hope for my son to learn to be anything like the Master Engineer it is only thru the life lessons He is teaching us right now.