Claiming to be hungry enough to finish every bite never fooled my family. I am an eater. I LOVE FOOD. However, i would end up eating that plate full for dinner, midnight snack, and possibly lunch the next day. She never threw it out . She never reminded me of my choice to take on too much.
On this day i registered my 5 year old for Kindergarten. Lorelei has been counting down the days until school all summer,and today worked best for me to turn in the paper work since it was just me and Logan. My mom had the rest of the kids so it would be a quick thing... HA! Not. I ll finish up this part of the story at the end, just remember that i had plans for my morning!
This morning was Logan's follow-up GI appointment @ 7:45 am requiring he and I to leave by 6:30 from the Hill. Seriously in the waiting room for an hour and a half. While we sat there and Logan entertained the other guests, lol, i saw so many other kids that were sick. Some of them had severe birth defects, some of them were fine until something spooked them and it took every ounce of that parents physical strength to restrain and resettle them. So many of those parents just watched Logan playing peacefully, and told me how sweet he was and how blessed i was to have him. All the while in the back of my head i was thinking of the numbers i hoped for him to acheive on the scale, or the imaginary x-ray that would come back. My mind was on what we could get done today. The List of great things I was going to have to report back to you. Not on how really great i have it with my little guy. Spoon one of mashed potatoes.
Once in the room, the PA( that i have already told you is trendy, Barbie Like, and bubbly) and i discuss step by step the original treatment plan and the after effects of the plan.
Day one: enema followed by miralax four times a day for two days
Day Three: Enema again followed by miralax once a day everyday until we went for follow up.
That being said. We had a few days of "chunky poop" and then went back to explosive diarreah. First enema had almost no noticable movement. Then second enema had a few quick poops with in the first hour then back to the diarreah. based on the amount of blockage, it didn't seem like it had been processed thru to me. I was watching his diapers like a crack addict watches the corner! I was at a loss. Confessing to the PA and now Dr Rittmeyer, who had joined us, that i wondered if i was missing something, or was i telling them the wrong symptoms, could I have done the enema wrong, where i had i dropped the ball in figuring this out??? Both of them quickly urged me to stop asking questions until we had pictures. If i HAD missed something it would be clear in a matter of minutes after the xray came back. I agreed that fretting obvoiusly was taking us no where. Add some gravy here.
Logan and i walked to the imaging center, and during registration he stuck out his little arm to get his bracelt before she had even mentioned it. He knew after the jewels were on we walked to the xray waiting area and then he reached up and took the lady's hand, motioning to me with the other because we had business to take care of. So still on the xray table, talking all the time about what he saw around the room. This week his language has really blossomed and has been really fun for us to hear. Chatting while the lights flashed and getting redressed and then the solomn walk back to the dr was upon us. No more speculating. It was time to know what was still in there or if i was just a fruit cake!OOOOO I love green beans~ can i have a spoon full? Grab that scoop with the ham chunk in it!
We claimed our fast pass - its 11 am now- and we walked into the office to meet with Rittmeyer and The PA. Logan grabs his blanket and lays down on the floor. He is spent. They both begin to point and explain the xray and there were hints of good news but not many. Thinks DID move. It is clear that the intestines now have more gas in them than before. Keep in mind that this gas-if passed- causes pain for a good while before it vacates. The rectum is still SWOLLEN. Logan "cramps" all the time now since he is on the Miralax. That is what miralax is for and long term we want his rectum to be able to do this function naturally on its own. The problem now is that, with the amount of blocked stool, the rectum cannot contract properly. There is a noticable difference in the pictures but only because things shifted, not because they "moved". Keep in mind they call "bowel movements" when the toxins completely vacate your body... No eviction notices have been issued in this case. New plan of action.
Day One: enema followed by magnesium citrate every four hours (1.5 ounces each dose)24 hours after first enema administer enema #Two. Followed by miralax 3/4 cap full four times during that 24 hour period. 24 hours later enema # three, followed by maintanance miralax once or twice a day. After this is complete would should begine to see solid bowel movements with in a week. if this is not the case, we return to dr.
I havent told you yet, but We are losing weight again. So in four weeks assuming this cleanse works, the job now is to determine actually what caused such a blockage to form, whether we maintain the current diet restrictions and how we can help him catch up and turn the loss into gain. I want two thighs and a leg please... extra crispy with that special cajun seasoning!
Finally leaving, i call my mom and ask if i have exhausted her yet or if i can still swing by the school. She says to continue on my plan and so I stop and the school. The school that because it is a little after noon is closed for lunch. SERIOUSLY??!! Head hung in frustration from waking up the sleeping baby and walking to the door to discover a closed sign, i decide to just head home. I get home and remember that after our picnic i shattered the jelly jar in my lunch bag and we dont have enough lunch meat for 7 of us.SOOOO, i make the peanut butter sandwich call... the complaining begins... and then my mom says LETS JUST GO TO MCDONALDS! PEACE! I JUST NEED PEACE FOR A MINUTE! Lol as if the Mcdonalds play place is going to provide this for her i pack up and we head that way. She suggests while she lets the kids burn off their energy i take another stab at the primary school. This time i take Luke, because he has just about worn NANA out today. Paper work neatly in my envelope and feeling prepared i push lukes stroller in the office and begin to fill out the form that has to be signed in front of a witness. She makes copies, i submit my forms and documents, then she says Lorelei's shots arent up to date. Wait, yes they are... UGH but her shot record doesnt reflect said shots. I made sure to get the E.E.D. form but didnt request a current shot record. So we pick mom and the troops up and drive back into Savannah to obtain this peice of paper. The school closes at 3:30, i arrive in at Dr Stones at 3:20. Thankfully since the majority of the paperwork was there Lorelei is being accounted for. My littlest girl is counted in the Kinder group for next year... Pie??!! Where? what kind? There is room!
I worked tonight. Joel had dinner with a customer. Mom kept the kids.
Driving to work i had a good cry. Im not sure where it came from or what exactly i was crying about, but it felt good. I realized that althought my plate is Full, and right now i dont feel the slightest bit hungry its ok. I dont have to eat it all.
I just need to find the hunger.
No one ever said that being a mom was going to be easy. Gut wrenching probably wouldnt be websters definition, but neither is ALONE. If i sit down at the table and eat this meal for the next few weeks, He will never remind me how much i am juggling right now. He will never tell me that i cant finish it by myself. My eyes wont end up being bigger than my stomach because i will begin to CRAVE HIM. The more i devour HIM and the words before me, the smaller and smaller my plateful looks. Even if He is lifting my fork due to my absolute exhaustion, it will all get done. It will all be purposed in His name.
"in spite of all we have done, if we only believe...
who am i that you are mindful of me, that you hear me when i call
is it true that you are thinking of me, how you love me
its amazing!"
(I am a friend of God,lyrics)
"I am finding myself at a loss for words, and the funny thing is, its okay. the last thing i need is too be heard, but to hear what You would say. Word of God speak! Pour down like rain, washing my eyes to see Your majesty. to be still and know that You are in this place. Please let me stay at rest in Your Holiness
im finding myself in the midst of you. Behind the music behind the noise. all that i need is to be with you and in the quiet hear your voice. Word of God speak....
--MercyMe
I have read books about the incredible journies that women have been on while carrying children knowing they are fighting extreme odds. I have met women that have burried children that never beat those odds. I have nothing that extreme to carry. The women that God has made them along their journies however is a woman i can only aspire to be.
I never will be able to watch my kid suffer with out suffering with him. But the woman i will become in the process i hope is indescribable.
in the end i am not the only one that has had to watch my son suffer, knowing the agony, knowing the outcome was most likely not pleasant. He DID. HE WATCHED FOR ME. HE wept as His son suffered. Just like me. He too understands the parents perspective, yet still finds strength to carry me.
all of a sudden my plate doesnt seem so full.
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can you see how it has shifted? the "triangle" shaped part closest to his legs is his rectom. can you see that it is darker in todays photo? do you see the gas(any black spots in the abdomen)? he is still pretty full, and his rectom is too swollen and packed to do its "job". Please pray for my little man.
"if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do
what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw
yourself into the sea', and it will be done"? Matthew 21:21
"Not by might nor by power,
but by My Spirit" says the Lord of Hosts. What are you, O great
mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will turn
into a plain. And He
will bring forth the Corner Stone to the shouts of "grace, grace be upon
it!"
Zechariah 4:6-7
Zechariah 4:6-7
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