Four L's: "like my mother does"

I don't know how many of you watch "American Idol" but we watch it towards the end of the season- we can't bear the auditions.

This year on the finale show Lauren Alaina sang a remake of the song "Like My Mother Does". The lyrics go like this:

"People always say i have a laugh like my mother does, guess that makes sense because she taught me how to smile when things get rough"

My childhood was, well less than picture perfect. My parents split when i was six, but tried unsuccessfully to reconcile for four years and didn't officially put it in writing till i was ten. That meant quite a bit of flip-flopping my my sister and me, however she was older so it ended sooner for her. My mom was clearly devastated about the marriage dissolving, so she grieved. We both attended sessions with grief counselors that taught us various ways to cope, but smiling primary. Smiling thru the tears. Smiling thru the pain. Smiling until it was over.

Hearing my daughters sing along to the song, now on replay on my IPOD, brings a whole new set of emotions to my mind. Fighting an emotion warfare with myself has been my current emotional status. Lexi's tear-filled eyes looking at me saying "how can we go on a new adventure if my adventure buddies are still in Houston?" will haunt me-forever. SO many wise mothers told me it was okay to grieve-- just not in front of the kids- i needed to be positive with them. I needed to smile. Smile thru the tears. Smile thru the pain. Smile until it was over--like my mother did.

Most of you are aware of how miserably i have failed at this. I have openly grieved in front of them, with them, for them. My kids hurt being away from their friends and other families we were close too. They have grieved-- like their mother does.

Another one of my favorite phrases is the song is : "when I am scared, I bow my head and pray, Like my mother does." WOW. Isn't this what i want my kids to remember about me? I remember praying over the first house my mother bought as a newly single woman. I remember praying about moving away from the state where my dad lived to take a job that would better provide for she and I. I remember praying over the boy i was dating that later became my husband. There were many not so pretty moments during that time when it was the two of us against the world, including times when we were on different pages. But on my own, newly married, what i remembered was that when times get rough i can cry out to my Savior.

Yes it is important to smile thru the tears. I am sure that there are many of us who want to be "She is a rock, She is grace" but lets face it, being a mom is a roller coaster of emotions all on its own. When you throw into that mix Marriage, Moving and our emotions just being a woman it throws a twist in it some of us struggle with sometimes.

So most of all i want my kids to remember that although i have the best smile money can buy- courtesy of my mother- it is about praying through EVERYTHING. Praying thru the tears. Praying thru the pain. Praying until it is over.