Pregnant to Peachy?

So i typed all of this once and then BAM! My dad's dinosaur of a computer shut-down. SO I unloaded mine and hear i sit re-typing.

This time last year i was anticipating the gender ultrasound of my unborn child, Leaving my children for the first time EVER, and about to board a plane to Houston for Kids Camp 2010! I am excited that I am at the half way mileage point for Kids Camp 2011!

Having babies can change your world. Midnight feedings, sibling reactions, hair falling out, crazy stretch marks... and so on and so on. I have been pretty open about what is weighing on my heart recently, and am pretty sure you would all agree I share more of my "dark" side.

SO  hear goes-- why change now? lol

I run on the treadmill to make myself feel better and follow it with an ice cream reward. I lay in bed unable to sleep in the few hours everyone else is sleeping. Well at a Drs appointment for something else, i happened to mention that. Here is what i learned:

The "baby blues" can manifest in different forms in different people. As a women i understand that my body chemistry depends on my hormones' proper alignment. Having four babies so rapidly, breastfeeding in between(also totally hormone dependant), having my tubes tied and continuing to nurse leading up to no cycle since giving birth-- can cause my hormones to not be in sync- DUH!

I was against taking an anti depressant because of an experience i had as a teen where they made me feel numb. However i am older and apparently out-of-whack. Joel and I really didn't want it to come to this. I have open with him from the beginning, because i just didn't feel the same after we came home from the hospital this time. We just chalked it up to being the difference in going from the responsibility of 3kids to 2 kids, a VERY busy spiderman-like two year old and a newborn.

i hope that by sharing this none of you think i am judging anyone that has to be on medicine or that i am by any means "altered" in personality. Three days into the medicine and i am beginning to notice differences. I have been able to catch a few naps today, quick but needed and it was great! I am eating just what i need for nourishment and lactation, not pity party snacks. If the truth be told I have probably been nicer to my children!

Our goal is to be off of this medication in roughly six months when i am done nursing and have become more regular in my cycles. I have the Joy of Jesus and i never want that to be confused with being on "happy pills" .  Genuinely ladies, i have learned in the last 3 days that not only can I fight the good fight but I am truly not alone. Sometimes word vomit at the doctors office is God getting you the help you really need.... And if there are any gentlemen brave enough to have made it this far into a blog about "lady issues"-- take note, don't just call her moody and hard to understand! Research the symptoms, offer complete support no matter what steps are necessary, and a piece of chocolate cake probably wouldn't hurt either.

I will keep updating as we make progress to figuring out how to best manage my imbalance but until then remember sometimes trying to adopt/get pregnant, the actual pregnancy, newborn stage, and parenting altogether can all make us "crazy" but its so worth it!

this is a maternity family shoot we did with StephanieLeighPhotography and then my sweet Logan eating peaches ;)