Teach me your ways, OH LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I will fear your name.

Psalm 86:11

I will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair is white in age. I made you, and I will care for you. I willI will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair carry you along and save you.

Isaiah 46:4




Blessed is the man whose quiver is full.... Psalm 127:5


Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.


Proverbs 3:5-6




Sunday, May 29, 2011

Full Tank

For a very long time I believed that My "love language" was gifts, and until my cousin pointed out that my daughter's "love language" was quality time, did i reassess my own. I do believe it is "quality time". I have mentioned this year has been a busy one for Joel so I have been going quite a bit. Well we have been home a full week and weekend now, that didn't involve anything major. We just were still. Having a family of six makes even grocery shopping a production, so just staying home and entertaining each other was really nice.

My daughters needed time with Joel more than we knew. They begged tearfully to just go get the pizza's with him yesterday. So after church today we came home and just sat around and watched TV, wrapped up in each others arms. Then we headed off to a small group barbecue with our new church small group. A blow up water slide and other kids to play with completed the day with many giggly kiddos. After a quick trip the grocery store, we came home and the kids fell right to sleep. Sitting in the quiet i am realizing that my "quality time tank" is brimming. I am so pleased for my girls and little Luke for the time they tucked away with their daddy today. Looking forward to a lazy day at the pool and putting away laundry tomorrow. We have a movie night scheduled after dinner tomorrow.... with this many of us going to the movies is super expensive. So we put our coziest jammies on, pop popcorn, sit in our favorite spots to snuggle and soak each other in. All of this is just a few more drops in the tank...

Monday, May 23, 2011

Driving with Dad

The few days after the wedding the kids and I stayed to hang out with "Poppy". He tutors students for ACT,SAT,MCAT, and LSAT. So this means he goes to them and prepares them where its most convenient. For us this meant we rode with him 1.5 hours each way to a tiny town where he studies with kids in a private academy.

What turned out was we played on several different play grounds, parks and the one fast food restaurant's play place. Although we were "driving again" as Lexi quickly pointed out, we stretched our legs quite a bit each day. We came home with Sun-kissed cheeks and BLACK FEET! There were sand boxes and jungle gyms like i hadn't seen since i was a kid.

Tiny towns in the south offer enough "southern comfort" to calm your spirit.

In the last year I have complained and been gone from my town as much as I could. And here, these people drive to neighboring towns to get the bare essentials, and farm for their livings.

They sew seeds in the ground and trust the God will provide rain. In turn believing that what He gives them should be shared until they have nothing left to share.The Lord has humbled mt spirit here. He has shown me how ungrateful for my blessings i come across to those watching to see how i handle my amazing gifts. He put us where we are. He GAVE us this house. He GAVE us this job. HE HAS BEEN IN THE WHOLE THING. Any one looking in from the outside wouldn't see that... they would see my tantrums.

Nothing like a farming community to see God in a real way. To watch the physical growth in just the three days on the corn stalks and watch the sun flowers move with the sun-- is being immersed in His presence, and His provisions. Thank you Father for teaching me daily.

Refuel and Refill

Back to our journey! We traveled this time to attend a wedding a reception of some dear family friends this weekend.

They married earlier this year in a courthouse ceremony and because friends and family were unable to attend this was a way to include us all.  I always love seeing childhood friends and seeing how much we have all changed.

The conversations typically begin with "wow, you have been BUSY!"... I guess people assume after the kids are born the "busy-ness" ceases?! :)  My kids definitely enjoyed the extra attention and i soaked in the extra time with my big sister.

I am so grateful for my dad, who helped us both with travel expenses to get down here for this. God provided us with time to fill our cups and head home refilled and emotionally refreshed. She too is struggling with adjusting to a new city and swapping advice and "sharing our pains" face-to-face is exactly what I needed.






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Gone Too Long

I have been away from my computer about a week, so while I was gone I began jotting things down i wanted to share.

Luke started throwing up half way to my dad's--about an eight hour drive. Any of you that have tried to clean a car seat at a gas station mid-trip know what I am talking about. Thankfully I carry a (hot pink) thermometer in my purse so I quickly realized he had a HIGH fever and I was in for a LONG car ride!

We met my sister two hours later (she was also on her way to my dad's) and it was a great help to potty one more time! The girls loaded up in Aunt Katie's car and we were off.

Having the boys in my car asleep it gave me some time to think. I claim openly that I am not happy in Savannah, But i came to the conclusion that it isn't ALL the city. A great deal of my frustration is that due to Joel's schedule, we spend very little time together.

I know most of you are saying, four kids in five years, clearly you spend PLENTY of time together! Four kids this close together in age means non-stop redirection and constant supervision. With dinner, baths, prayers, story time and many goodnight kisses there isn't a ton of time for quiet conversation.

So, lost in the quiet moments of my car that night, I decided to focus on finding those moments. My mom is close enough now to come give us "date nights", and I greatly appreciate those. However, staying home is it my responsibility to restructure our day to create and preserve these special moments with my beloved.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Hanging on each moment

I'm NOT shy. My mom says i came here outgoing. That being said I have been open about my feeling about enrolling Lexi, and watching my kids grow so quickly.

Today its weighing on my heart. I was up most of the night with the two boys, which could be a valid explanation of my weird emotions, but as I rocked Logan my heart constantly ached; aware i won't get to rock him forever. I am 25 and DONE. Really? No more babies?

I know for the monetary reasons four kids as close together as mine are it would be irresponsible to keep going. I would have one a year if my husband would let me... but now that i physically can't anymore these feelings are harder to deal with. Knowing that my heart has more love to give, makes it harder to know there won't be anymore. Please know i am 200% grateful for my blessings. I understand there are people that can't have them, or that have lost them. The struggle is just that I am not quite sure i was really ready to close this chapter. Joel and I made the decision for our children that we would make sure we didn't have any more. FOUR KIDS IN COLLEGE FOLKS!

Maybe the emotions are related to my body realigning. Maybe the emotions are from pure exhaustion ( I live there these days). Maybe they could even stem from other inner battles with depression. Either way I am struggling with them today. I know Satan uses these moments to creep in and clobber me and know that I am armed with my "sword" and fighting back.

The two snoring boys in this room offer comfort in knowing there are 2 out of 4 that still completely rely on this mommy. The girls may think they don't need me all the time, but I am going to still pretend they do!

Psalms 127:5 "Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them...."

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Gone with the Wind

The last two months, as I have mentioned, we have been on the go! We have visited Ohio (Aunt Katie and her Crew), Alabama (poppy's house), Houston, Texas (Joel's dad and Grandma) , New Orleans, and this weekend is no exception!

We are heading out to my dads Saturday morning after soccer. The purpose of our trip is to go to a wedding on Sunday, but we will stay a few days to play with "Poppy". My sister is coming to the wedding as well, so i am really excited!

What i have realized most about this last few months is how fast they have passed by. I know the saying is "time flies when you are having fun" but it REALLY does. It really hit me during Kinder registration-you know how i felt about that! As i flipped through the events already planned for the summer, it seems we will be going almost non-stop. I am so excited to share these experiences with my kids but I feel like the time is slipping through my fingers! The thought of adventures next year-local of course- not including Lexi is crazy to me! I scroll through the last five years in my head and can't wrap my mind around all that we have squeezed in. This morning I snuck over and just held Logan a few minutes. I will never have a little baby again... and my "little baby" starts kindergarten in just 2 Months!

I commented to someone at M.O.P.S. tuesday that Logan doesn't get held a ton, well because he is #4. And i would like to correct that a little. I nurse him, so that is time with him i get consistantly, and when Joel comes home he dances around the kitchen, rocks, and whatever else with Logan in his arms. While we were on vacation it hit Joel HARD that Luke wakes up every morning and says "daddy, work?". He realized in a big way these moments happen so fast and then are gone.

Watching the kids speed around the perimiter of the house yesterday with the wind whipping their hair around put it into perfect perspecitve. These playful summer days with the 5 of us are soon going to be gone... gone with the wind...

This is Lexi in NICU

Lexi at FIVE!!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Kinder Registration? Really?

Today I registered the oldest for Kindergarten. After such a whirlwind weekend, followed but what promises to be a packed summer it was today or... the day school starts. I wasn't at all prepared for the emotions i would feel today. No, I didn't cry, but the mix of frustration with the process and shock that i was standing in a school that one of my kids would soon be attending almost overtook me. Admittedly i had all FOUR of my kids in tow and this swarm of emotions at the same time so that probably made it seem much bigger in my own mind!

After all of this I called my mom and begged her to come up to sit with my kids while I attended the "informative orientation", hoping that afterwards i would feel FULL of information and confident. Well although I took a pad and pencil to take notes (its okay to laugh at me), I fell no more comfortable with the whole idea of sending my baby-i swear she was born yesterday-to school.

Today as a whole was one of those out of the ordinary "easy" days. All three walking kids played outside for hours after the school errand was completed and the baby played quietly as i picked up etc inside. Of course MOST days are not like this. Days are busy with fussing over toys, tantrums, and complaining, but today was a day to rediscover our very own backyard. A week inside a hotel room will make any kid anxious to rip and run...it is three times better when there is someone to play with outside! My desire to put off the "going off to school" would be less pressing if today had been horrendous!

All of that said: she is beaming with excitement...wants to pick out her outfit for her first day, can't wait to meet her friends, wonders what her teacher will be like.... meanwhile I'm tugging on her skirt hoping she will slow down, maybe miss me a little while she is away. Chances are none of that will happen. She will gleefully wave goodbye and she skips into her class.

Thank You Father for the Amazing gift of my sweet girl. I have been so blessed to spend five years at home enjoying every minute of her. Thank You and may You lead us as we soak in what is left of summer and prepared what lies ahead next year. -- Amen

Friday, May 6, 2011

Photos from today!

a few photos from todays fun!

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Much needed Vacation from Vacations

The kids and I have been on the road non stop for almost 2 months. These two months however were with out the accompaniment of our daddy. So that leads me to this week! Joel had a business trip to Naples this week and so we decided to tag along. He tool Friday off after his conference so that gave us two and a half whole days with our daddy! WE have been shopping, swimming, and to the beach. Things we don't often get to do with him. Daddy also was able to be there when Logan rolled over the first time, not something he witnessed with the other three.

There are things i struggle with on my own. I try to be as quiet about being lonliness as possible around my kids. I want them to remember happy things about this stage. I relish in these times that are uninterrupted, family focused, fun time. I know to most we seem to be on the go a great deal, but most of that is mommy only time. So the kids are ecstatic about this time. Looking forward to a full weekend celebrating Mothers day and our family unit. SO incredibly blessed.